Pearls

Life is never perfect, and love is never what you want it to be. I don't know where we will end up, but I do know that we share a love. As we enter this new phase in our relationship, I feel a chance to begin again. Everyone knows how pearls are made, sand in an oysters mouth... Well our love has encountered and will continue to encounter "sand" and other trouble... But as we work the best we can, we can make our own pearls. Someday when we are old and grey, we both will stand hand in hand on a beach of pearls and watch the waves come in, and know that our love has conquered all that has attempted to shatter it, and together we will be victorious.


Jerry Grant Blakeney

Growing Up

There comes a point in your life when you're officially an adult.
Suddenly, you're old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities.
Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious... a grown up.
We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

In some ways we grow up.
We have families, we get married, continue the fruit of our loins, divorced, but for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen.

No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling, forever wondering, forever young.

How true is that?

Someday We'll Know

90 miles outside Boston
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two months later, you're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Emelie Earheart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain

Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue

Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
I'm speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time, tonight

Someday we'll know
Why Damien loved Delilah
One day I'll go Dancing on the moon

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea

If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me, tonight!?

Someday we'll know

lovely song.

Square One

This is it.

Here, where I am, it's real
I'm bemused, stunned and absolutely confused beyond my wildest imagination.
In a short period of time, I cannot believe how things have turn out to be.
Silence. Complete in black and white.


In spite of everything, in the end, choices between life and happiness is not up to you.
When you've decided to keep it to yourself, than I guess that's the way it should be.
No second thoughts or whatsoever. No sneak peak or previews.
You're well armored, I'm not. I'm stripped naked and left stranded in the cold.


Honestly, I don't understand.
But I'll try if that's what you want.
I'll try to understand even if it doesn't make any sense.
I'll try even if I don't get a clear picture
Even if I had to paint this truth myself, I'll find my way to get hold of the brushes
I'll learn the tricks through trial and error
Standing in your shoes, I'll turn and run
I'll get it right, and yes it takes a little time, but eventually I'll get it right

The question is, how long do we have before our time is up? Just maybe, we won't be able to find it in this lifetime. But the thought itself is good enough for some comfort sense of completion
If things aren't meant to be in the first place, I'd say before we even begin counting our time is already up.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a much better day or maybe it won't.
The very least we could do is to feel alive again and that's what I plan to do.
I'll paint that rainbow once more,

this time from a different angle.

Celestial Fireworks

The first star I see may not be a star
and the time's is such a clumsy time, deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes
In the end we lose ourselves in our courage.

I've been here before but only by myself
What giving up gives you, and where giving up takes you,
Right here we can be anything, and I think that scares us away,
I've had and I've been, here in center frame there's only air.
Just enough space to fit.

The big hand goes round again,
Moving in one direction finding another to clap.
But it's okay, it's okay because it's getting tired and I'm putting it down.
Just so I can hear you, I stay up late as it takes, as long as it takes.

I close my eyes and believe that wherever you are, the Angels are keeping you close with them.

Stellar Jewel Box

can anything be more beautiful than this? perhaps. until we find something better, we all set aside what's in front of us.

Growing Sideways

Do you realize that some questions in life that you want answers to are normally the hardest question you can ask someone?

Is everything well planned like what we're made believe to?
Why haven't they invented time machine?
Don't they know alot of people would want to go back in time even if its just for a second?

Or why am I here when I can be half a world away sipping freshly brewed beer in a rundown pub?

Why him? why her? why nobody? why love? why hate?
Three letters of mystery.

We are who we are today from the experience in life.
What we've been through, they haunt us simply because we can't forget about it.
Maybe not now, maybe we don't have the strength to do so at this point of time,
maybe there are still questions left unanswered,
maybe we're all dumbstrucked by the sudden change that we can't cope with,
maybe something we unintentionally did,
or maybe some things are just out of your control that there's no point putting the blame on yourself.

The talk came to me in a very convenient time.
Not everything is your fault. Why the harsh treatment?
We don't live our lifes for others, but for ourselves and ourselves alone.
And as long as we're happy, nothing else really matter does it?

I do like to think about the life in the future, how it's a so intriguing.
I like to think about what was going on the years when we were growing,
How the sun was shining that summer or if it rained... what the weather was like.
I think about all those people who had footprints in my heart and if it's an old friend, or new
how many of them who would still be there for you.
I love how people continues to evolve, how every time I open my mind they give their taste differently than if I had opened it on any other day.
How we're constantly evolving and gaining complexity.

That is, until it peaks - like and old wine - and begins its steady, inevitable decline.

Rain my night

Two killer tea, and i'm clearly wide awake now with no intentions to fall into slumber.
The holiday wasn't supposed to be like this, time spend in front of the computer and catching on with movies.

The irony is starting to show. The part where we take our time to get off from bed and skipping meals. Just lay still.

Frozen, reluctant to move an inch, waiting for some sign to hit the brain.
Looking for an excuse to get off that comfort zone.

We all live the day for a purpose. Whether its work or life, we go places to meet people, or to catch that familiar faces, or maybe just to feel alive. Most of the time we just make do with what we have, and hope that at the end of the day the very least we can obtain is a small fragment of happiness. No regrets.

Half of the time, we forget about it and move on to the next day because what may come next, is only a mystery waiting to be unfold. We look forward to a new beginning, a fresh start like a new race. And I guess the only time we should get worried about is when everyday turn mundane, just the same shit, different day. Then we pray for changes.

We seek high and low for something new. Maybe not extraordinary, but different.
Anything different is good. Good for the soul, good for the heart and whatelse...
All i wanted so bad, is to be good, but I know it will never be the same.
The cake has gone cold, a slice was taken, and never will it be a whole again.
It takes time to come up with a recipe, and together with good ingredients, it just taste good.
So good it melts like honeycomb chocolate in the mouth.

It has been a turbulence month, high and low, not even the share market can match it.
Life cannot be more unpredictable than this, but eventually, life will have its own way to put us back on track.

A new year is coming, I'm looking forward to it, but right now, I'm more worried about the remaining days before that day approach.

Happy birthday Julian! Another year has gone by, and thank you for the nights that you lend your ears to me, unconditionally. Well maybe with a bottle of beer and a few ciggys, but still,
Thanks!

I think God Can Explain

The world seems bigger than both of us
Yet it seems so small when I begin to feel alone.

It's all right, I'm O.K.
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away.

I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain.

When we're not Looking

You know when you said things you don't meant it in the first place?

Those words usually hurt the most.
The worse thing about that is we can't take it back.

What we do then? we apologise, even if it takes a lifetime to do it.
Spur of a moment, slipped through our tongue into the ears and the damage is done.

When its done face to face, the very least we can do is to hug each other at the end and hope that after that warm touch of skin, the feelings is great enough to cover our mistake of words.
But what if it's done behind technology? Behind this monitor screen back at home with someone across the world.
What if you slipped? and that's the only thing u've done so far.
I'm not overlooking the water, but at least I know there's a puddle right in front of me.

Sometimes, we speak in riddle, because we don't want others to know how we feel.
Maybe we speak that way because we feel comfortable and to safeguard our emotions.
The danger of this is when someone else misintepret the wrong meanings.
Things go sour and we wait.
We hope, we wait and we're left alone because we expect the others to know how we feel.
And take actions.
Oh , that's a dangerous game.

There's also another case where you read something, and you thought it was you.
But it's not.
That's not danger.
That's a complete fool.

I might just be that fool in motion.
Take a picture and laugh at me.

I still do. All the time, every single second.
I don't want to sit and wait
I hope it's not to late to hope
Because I never stop hoping.

The Heart of The Matter

In life only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes;

No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions are,

You are going to make a mistake.

You are going to hurt people

You are going to get hurt.

And if you ever want to recover, there's really only one thing you can say...

Forgive and forget.

That's what they say. It's a good advice, but it's not very practical.

When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back.

When someone wrong us, we want to be right.

Without forgiveness old scores never settle.

Old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for

is that someday we'll be lucky enough to forget.

Seven Minutes to Midnight

The Earth is large.

Large enough that you think you can hide from anything: from fate, from God.

If only you found a place far enough away.

So you run... to the edge of the Earth, where all is safe again, quiet and warm.

The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind.
The luxury of grief... And maybe for a moment you believe you have escaped.

You can run far, you can take your small precautions, but have you really gotten away?
Can you ever escape?

Or is the truth that you do not have the strength or cunning to hide from destiny?

But the world is not small, you are... and fate can find you anywhere

You have no idea.

Words.
Amazingly, the more your ears try to reject it, the more painful it become.
When do i have the chance to sing my song and calm that heart?

The plots are all written in the book. No glimpse of the next chapter. Remember how we used to play those game book where you flip pages to see your next fate? I see myself heading to the end each time without seeing the beginning or counting on the next move.

Yes that's bad. I had all the wrong moves and was not sure. Someone left me in the dark without a light. I had to creep, find my way, carefully, slowly, so I don't fall back into the pits.
This time I really dug my own grave. Should have called, should have move , should have ... should have. Time's up.
You can't cheat and turn back the pages. I know and I'll live with it.

The irony part is, I felt the same way.
I obliged, I tried, I hoped, I prayed, nothing comes good.
In the end, it's not up to me. Where did it all go wrong?
I've waited, not expecting, but hoping that at the end of the day, when you close that gate and walk in, you're at least happy for the night. That's it.

Oh well, that's life perhaps. Some things doesnt always go your way.
When it happens, you just have to pick yourself up again
Life gets pretty confusing when you know what you're losing.

It was a perfect day for a perfect outing,
Why didn't you made a move to even ask for dinner?
Don't assume, see where it lead you now?
You obliged because you know, she'll be happier doing the things she would want to.
Sundays she said was for work, yes, don't you even dare give any ideas.
She had enough stress to worry about, don't pile on the pressure.
Okay, i'm going nowhere.

I'll be a much happier person if I had sixth sense,unfortunately I don't. Assuming is my sixth sense and it cause more harm than good.
I used to look forward to weekends
Not anymore. Not in these gloomy skies. I'll come out and play when the blue skies are back.

Mystification

Look above your head,
The chandelier suspended on the ceiling,
can you tell, when you are not looking
how crystal and light can blend so well?

I ponder hard, with walks
but it failed to turn this enigma around.
this paper dove, flawless as it folds
not a childs play, but work of an art

Lotus seeds in muddy water,
Hard as it may seem, i have to find the roots
I need to step out from this shadow
Feel the light, or just to feel alive.

We laugh too soon and cry too late,
Is your heart telling what you should hear?
Or are these just comforting words
To let you know it's okay to be there.

I still dream of Boston sometimes,
A new beginning to mark an ending,
Will it knock on my door and come my way?
I hope it does, only God knows when.

and the song kept playing...
I was alive from the first
Now I'm denied by the ghost of you.

=)

That Jaded Eyes

The sun was two steps too close with his waking eyes
Causing a temporary blind to his dreamy eyes
what he see is unfortunately not what's in her eyes
nevertheless, it was nothing less than who she is on that faithful night

Bittersweet. Hate it or love it, it's a taste I have to live with.
Holidays are over and somehow it seems to get even better when it's over.
The pieces are slowly fitting in like a random jigsaw puzzle, or are they?
I want to retreat my sword and brace the victory, but I'm choking on uncertainty.

The smell of danger linger like a near edge knife
A ticking timebomb waiting to explode.
Your back against my will, can you hear my heart wailing?
It gets harder each time when i breath u in.

I'm backsliding. I know I am, because I've never felt like this before.
I'm at the verge of being contented, not looking for more, not looking for something better, not even trying. And i think the thought of it makes it even scarier. There's something hidden, like a forbidden jewel, I wish I knew what it is so I can get it out my head.

I want to embrace the sunlight and smell the sweet meadows,
Run up that green hill, and catch the sunrise
Get entangle in that warm arms, or maybe just stay close to you,
Close enough to catch your heartbeat.

Green Hill Race

Have you ever had a moment when you're with the one person in the world you want to be with and the wind is blowing through your hair and the song that just describes your entire soul happens to come on, and then the person that you want to be with happens to love the same song and suddenly you realize you're listening to it together?

And that no matter how crazy your life has gotten there's this one moment...this perfect moment...where you could just say that no matter what happens, nothing can take this moment away from me...

We all wish we had moment like that, but how often do we manage to stumble upon it?
Maybe in the movies, or miraculously when you're least expect it to happen. Even when it seems impossible, don't stop dreaming. Because dreams is what we're made of.

From the beginning

There might have been things I missed

But don't be unkind

It don't mean I'm blind

Perhaps there's a thing or two

I think of lying in bed

I shouldn't have said

But there it is

You see, it's all clear

You were meant to be here

From the beginning

Maybe I might have changed

And not been so cruel

Not been such a fool

Whatever was done is done

I just can't recall

It doesn't matter at all

You see, it's all clear

You were meant to be here

From the beginning

As Long As it Matters

How can I find something
That two can take.

Without stumbling as we walk into our future's wake?

I'm like a broken record that you can play,
repeating as if it matters.

Everything I want to say,
I'll be alright.

As long as it matters,
As long as you're here with me now.

Forget that time,
It's nothing we touch and see.

All is fine,
even as it crashes down on me.

I'm looking around,
There's nothing that I could want,

More than to tell you
There's no more than we've already got.

As long as it matters,
As long as you're here with me now.

The bottle of whiskey

12 years, is how long it should take for a bottle of scotch to taste good.

Of course, the longer it is, the better it gets.


humans will always be human, somehow, i think God made us this way,to be imperfect, to make mistakes and to learn from it, to overcome and be strong,to imagine the impossible, to serve a purpose.I haven't found my purpose yet, but 1 thing i'm certain is that He's gracious enough to leave trails of footprints in my heart. He left lights burning so i don't go astray, for as long as it should before they die off.

Negative elements shakes a person emotionally. From Hatred, to betrayal,to dissapointment,and anger,and in a span of 7 days, I've inflicted it upon to people i love, people who had footprints in my heart more than I could ever inflict my whole life.


A good friend said i've practiced miscounduct, that statement sure felt like falling dominoes. It hit me and brought me back to the humble ground. I haven't slept for a day, just stared blankly at the ceiling thinking how to resolve this issue.I'm not seeking sympathy nor apathy, and trust me when i said it troubles me, it really does.

An uncaring person would not even give a flying kite on what's happening and act selfishly.It wasn't to your liking, maybe i should be more honest to you in the first place.But how sure are you that it would be any better? If there's a chance, right now, since I know, the impact it has done to you, I would have done likewise. I would have talk to you and ask your opinion first, to seek your blessings. But I can't right now. Tides have change, the trust is gone, and I know you will look at me in a different perspective from now on.

I don't blame you if have grudge or despise me.
All i'm asking is for a little room for forgiveness. Maybe not now, but one day.
Because I believe, that our friendship is worth more than that.

Sorry.

The Pledge

Prayer; they seem powerful when done persistently, without losing much and always hoping that 1 day it will come true.

I have a few drafts hiding behind this post. None of it came into a completion till now. I apologise for the inconsistency.

The skies are clear, bright blue and they look promising. I've longed for days like these. Days where I can walk out with a smile grinning on my face. Days where I can finally put a full stop to my sadness. Days where I can walk hand-in-hand, looking forward and not having a single thought of turning back.

I've asked the same question myself. Where have you been all these years?

I'm not complaining. He has his way on his wonders and the timing couldn't be any better. Perfection i must say. I'm thankful for the footsteps u have placed in my heart recently. We might be boarding an express train but deep down, it sure felt forever.

Words I use may seem blunt, but the feelings i have, i assure u, will only grow stronger. I will take every opportunity to blow ur dark clouds as u have done the same for me. Lid the light from your darkest hour, and replace that sad eyes with nothing but happiness. This is my pledge to you.

For you have cast a spell on me, with ur laughter and sweet gesture, like a drug without a cure.
Soon is what i look forward when i wake up in the mornings.
We'll make it through, day by day, to our outings, to genuine memories we promise to build, I will be by your side.

I have a reason to stay now. Stay still and breath you in. You've showed me the reason to start believing.....again. Forever is not what it takes to find happiness. It's in front of me now.
Let's enjoy what's install for us.

See you soon. ;)