Revealing my thoughts...

If God exists, why wouldnt he be fair enough to each and single 1 of us in this forsaken planet?Why did the mighty one created human beings to suffer and bear with feelings, emotions, memories which they cannot forget even though its hard to live by every single moment of his life?
Whatever we do, whoever we meet, are all these just part of a conspiracy question of whether there is a God , or are these all part of karma? Whatever it is, one thing's for sure, it never felt better to know that I, for once,or once before had fallen for someone in this world, and I thank you for that.

4 years ago, i had the most unimaginable moment of my life. Who would possibly know the only person that break through the solid wall in my heart is actually a girl whom i barely knew in college. She caught my eyes the moment i step into the class.I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my body and there she was, sitting innocently at a corner with her eyes gazing at the lecture but me instead, took numerous opportunity to catch a glimpse of her without her even noticing me. That moment, i said to myself, if theres an angel out there, ill make her my angel, definitely!
It's hard to break the ice when u are a shy person, but fortunately for me, i had supportive friends that encourage me to do the impossible. Because of her, there's not a reason why i should even skipped classes. I wouldnt have miss a single opportunity to just have a quick look of her. Gosh, shes a mood changer i tell ya. She made my day, every day! For the first time in my life, i feel belonged and to feel that way, is not a common feeling whereby it comes to you every single day.

Fast forward to today, im still thinking of her once in awhile. You might be thinking im too naive in this kindda of situation. I agree sometimes it is, but who can blame me? It is my feelings. Therefore, after all these while, it just got me thinking. What if something did happen to either you or me, and i never get to.....share my thoughts.
I wrote my feeelings down in a piece of paper, and it took me quite awhile.So here i am, in what better way than to let me share it with you, and at the same time to avoid any embarassing moment or should i say my stupidity..

I want to let you in a secret. I'm not who you think i am. In fact, my disguise is so thin, that i'm surprised you didnt seen right through it.You're the girl of my dreams dancing in my mind, fulfilling emptiness inside my heart whenever i felt lonely. Sometimes, i feel like dropping off in front of your house and pretend that nothing has ever happen. But i can't. Because you might freaked out and might even avoid any contact with me ever again! That is why, i decided that its better to live with the lie than to expose my true feelings. I realized that there's 2 type of girls. The one you grow out of, and the one you grow into. I really hope that you are the latter. I really do. I may not be the one you love today, but i'll let you go for now, hoping that you will fly back to me. Because, i think you're still worth the wait. Carmen, you are one of the best thing that ever came into my life. And it still is.

-alvin-