2007; the year that was..

In less than 24 hours, we usher in a new year.
2007 has been a heck of a year to reminscence. Many things happened and memories are made out of this. Sweet, sad, dissapointment, renewal, new hope, fresh start, whatever, you name it you've got it all in the span of 12 months.

The multiple breaks helped alot in burying the skeletons and let's just leave the bones where it's supposed to be. The stars and planet are just not alligned every day and the least we can do is make the very best out of it.

Just when we thought that all is lost, a new shade of light somehow manage to find its way to give new hope. What's dark became bright and what's impossible somehow became possible. In that sheer moment, I feel alive. I guess that's life and one way for God to tell us its okay and everything will be alright. It feels better thinking that way doesn't it?

Looking back at how the year went, '07 sure pass by pretty damn fast.

Believed in God...again
First time meeting new cousin
Visited Bali/Singapore and hopefully will be another visit anytime soon
Heartbroken and moved on
Got a new job, lets see how it goes
Made mistakes, alot of them and shouldn't have done it
Caused multiple scars that will haunt me forever
Friends got married/engaged
Made new friends, lost old friend
Accidents, let people bang, bang people doesnt really matter does it. Luckily no major ones.
Grateful to those who stood by even for the storm.
Touched by many people whom I would never have thought about it before
and many many other events regardless of whether its big or small, it all happened.

Good things will come eventually when we're not looking, when we least expect it to be. We all have dramas in our live, high or low, I'm just grateful that after all the turbulence months, I'm still sane enough to be writing this post at 1.26am on new year's eve.

Let's hope that '08 will be a better year for all of us, both health and wealth,
and thank you for all the footprints that are left in my heart, all the best and God bless.

Vanilla Coke with Dark Circles

1.39 a.m
I can't sleep !!!!!@#$$#%$^$&

HELP

Been weeks since I had a good one. I do not want to succumb to sleeping pills.

Maybe its the supper. But but its food, its a sin to deny 'em.

When will I see you again?

Only in my dream you exist. Please come back soon.

The Soft Dive of Oblivion

Just when I'm all ready to go home for a nice hot shower, the nature has its way of playing a fool out of me.
Yup, raining cats and dogs outside and my stomach is playing the usual orchestra at this time of the hour.

Fail.

I should have known earlier. Wasn't a good sign to begin with ; gloomy clouds and the smell of rain from a distance. I'm alone now. In the office at least, everyone has gone home. Not a usual sight. Haha

Two things that are lingering in my mind right now.
What awaits me for dinner and the magazine on the shelves!
You had your way of getting back at me haven't you. Sigh
Such weakness I have in me. And I thought it was going ok, why do you have to reappear again out of nowhere. Well at least it got me going for the day. I'm proud of what you've done. Really.
With a faint smile I wonder, how's it going to be?

Two more days and counting. A break, finally.
Is there anything I'm going to miss?
I wonder.

Maybe the ferris wheel and the road up hill.

At least I've got my bus ticket home. Such a daddy's boy. What would I do without you around. ;)

The longest week

It has been raining for the past whole week now.
10 days gone, less than a week to go and my heart is racing.
I need to get out of here.

Really.

Eventhough it's a short escapade, I still need be there to fill my thoughts with junk or perhaps unseen beauty? Who knows what awaits behind this few hours, who would know best but only you. One who hops and got me thinking whole night. Why did you came when it's cloudy?

Crap.

Life is not a box of chocolate. It's a load of cow dunk. Seriously. Life sucks when we think too much. Way way way too much till it become a disease. An uncurable plague of mind eating thought. Eats you up, inside out leave you alone and then attacks you from different angle.
Leave you defenseless, like a level 3 hero up against a level 25 hero.

Renewal.

Two weeks till O eight. It's been a tiring year. Emotionally and physically. I'm aging rapidly inside. The outer part is just a disguise.
Everything's changing. Those days where we stand still and wait for the wind to pick us up are long gone. Nothing's real now, everything's made believe and thats where everything goes wrong. When we stop believing.
I hope it's not a cycle, this life is made for more.

Well christmas is coming, and please let it be a white one. Nothing fancy, just a quiet holiday in a foreign land. A good time to start believing again. Come what may =)

Cheerios and Merry X-mas.

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Christmas is on the way!!! teeeeheeeeee
20 to go. Hold on, hang tight. Spin the wheel and squeal.
Loving the spirit, and the decos and all the xmas parties on the cards.

Dilemma. Easier to just flip the coin.

I want to go down south for Christmas but but all the party is holding me back.
I don't know what my priorities are right now.
The hare or the flying mare
Both to miss but only one to choose. This is confusion dammit. Hate it to bits.
Wish to split in two, without doubts.

She said it cold, just like winter break and it doesn't end there.
It ended gradually into the silent night on the very next day.
Slow and calm, dying as the wind goes by.
It's crisp clear now, I even had it in my dream. Hah

Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think her death it must be killin' me

And I seen the sun coming up at the funeral dawn
Saying "hey come on try a little"
Nothing is forever, there's gotta be something better than in the middle.

Getting out from this rain of mine.

When moving on is the right and the hardest thing

An answer is still an answer
It's off the chest, off the heart
A huge sigh of relieve but an aching one too
At least I'll get back my sleep
Soon enough...
Hello dream!

Picture of A Fallen Leaf

Cinema Seven,
Etched on a pink wall
How can a name outshine an advertisement?
Stood there for a good one minute, just wondering if I could share this with you.
If only you...yea if only.


It's hard to tell when we're out of reach
Like living in the suburbs, with no telephone connection,
We always said that we would listen,
and never hide what's on our mind
Oh how we fool ourselves all the time.

Everyday it feels like something's missing
Is there a ghost that hides in the world behind our eyes?

We get thrown out from a game of musical chair
I'm just the slow one with no place to sit,
It's okay, i'll wait my turn
That is if we're playing again.

It's only words
And words don't bleed.
That's what they say.
They just open up wounds that are healing.

We won't change, neither you or I. Maybe we shouldn't , or else we'll be someone different.
It's true. This pain is real. I'm taking the bullets without a kevlar because if you stand in my way, I wouldn't know what to do.
I wouldn't know what to say, and I don't want to see you get hurt either. I would rather have this alone, hit me hard and knock me down. I feel much better that way.

I never ask. Not because I don't want to know, not because I'm afraid of the answer,
I had to know, so I can live again. I need back my sleep and I'm tired of walking.
What you said had me moving backwards.
Like a dream, nothing surreal.
Just another show in your circus realm.
I never blame you. I can never do that even if it makes me feel better and I never will.
Even when the only people who can hurt us the most is the person we really care about.
Nope, can't do that. It's just me and I need no sympathy.

Everything's changing, you, me, people around us, the trees, everything.
We're just a piece of puzzle living in this mysterious world.
Let the walls fall down, so I can breath again, or see once more.
You have glitter in your eyes and beauty in your soul, and the best thing is you move people.
and Don't you ever dare to let anyone take that away from you.

Perhaps one day before the year ends, before the first snowflake, before the carolling starts, before we usher in the new year, before we bid each other goodbye, we still have time to say hello for one last time?

I hope.

Longest Place Name In The World

Yup, took me awhile to read it. Had to catch my breath and read again.

the worse part is, I can't read it correctly

But this place is definitely founded by a Malaysian.

Just watch your steps when you're there. Because the locals "nak tahu" that you "pokai"

=)

Into Thin Air

As i'm sitting alone in this closed-up room
my lungs are finding it hard to breath.

my drink has gone cold,
with dilluted taste of hazel crumbs in my chocolate.
it doesn't taste as good as it was before
like the first taste from a freshly brewed cup

on and off i get a weak signal of internet,not good enough to have a decent conversation
i have work to do, but i'm here.i chose to be here not because i want to, but i have no where to go.

appointment at 6 and i've been here since 3.
2 hours gone by and i couldnt recall how many has come and go.
maybe i should take a walk.
to get some fresh air, to clear my mind.

this lady, who just came, she smokes like a chimney
every 10 mins she lid one, probably waiting for her friend

her eyes. they look blank. it looks sad from a different angle, watery like tears clogging up.
everything change when she forced a smile.

Naturally, we observe people. Either unintentionally, or for some of us, we do it quite frequently like a routine habit.
We listen to stranger's conversation.
We get caught up with stranger's scent when they walk pass us.
We catch people with dreamy look just to find out what's so intriguing
How they can leave the world and be in a world of their own.
We see how other people react , how they lid they ciggerette or sip through the tip of their straw.
How they stare into thin air and have the most remarkable look on their face. That some other people are actually looking.

We do that.
Or maybe just me.
And it amazes me.

All the time.

Clarity

It goes away.



The feeling



That feeling that you are having right now,



today...



That feeling like you can do anything.



That clarity. It goes away.



And you go right back being to being the coward who can't tell the person you miss how you feel.

Fair

Maybe I'm completely wrong about this, but I always had a movie scene playing in my head with a song - and perhaps at least one person could connect with what I always seen,

these stolen moments printed onto broken reels.

I always thought that this Guy and Girl had a past relationship at one point -- but were forced apart.

Not from broken feelings or knowing that it was over,

but because of the wrong situation or something similar.

And because it was this, their feelings never exactly died -- and still running strong.

Perhaps they had to end it before the summer, when they were both young and had other things clipping their wings.

Pearls

Life is never perfect, and love is never what you want it to be. I don't know where we will end up, but I do know that we share a love. As we enter this new phase in our relationship, I feel a chance to begin again. Everyone knows how pearls are made, sand in an oysters mouth... Well our love has encountered and will continue to encounter "sand" and other trouble... But as we work the best we can, we can make our own pearls. Someday when we are old and grey, we both will stand hand in hand on a beach of pearls and watch the waves come in, and know that our love has conquered all that has attempted to shatter it, and together we will be victorious.


Jerry Grant Blakeney

Growing Up

There comes a point in your life when you're officially an adult.
Suddenly, you're old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities.
Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious... a grown up.
We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

In some ways we grow up.
We have families, we get married, continue the fruit of our loins, divorced, but for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen.

No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling, forever wondering, forever young.

How true is that?

Someday We'll Know

90 miles outside Boston
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two months later, you're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Emelie Earheart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain

Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue

Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
I'm speeding by the place where I met you
For the 97th time, tonight

Someday we'll know
Why Damien loved Delilah
One day I'll go Dancing on the moon

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea

If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me, tonight!?

Someday we'll know

lovely song.

Square One

This is it.

Here, where I am, it's real
I'm bemused, stunned and absolutely confused beyond my wildest imagination.
In a short period of time, I cannot believe how things have turn out to be.
Silence. Complete in black and white.


In spite of everything, in the end, choices between life and happiness is not up to you.
When you've decided to keep it to yourself, than I guess that's the way it should be.
No second thoughts or whatsoever. No sneak peak or previews.
You're well armored, I'm not. I'm stripped naked and left stranded in the cold.


Honestly, I don't understand.
But I'll try if that's what you want.
I'll try to understand even if it doesn't make any sense.
I'll try even if I don't get a clear picture
Even if I had to paint this truth myself, I'll find my way to get hold of the brushes
I'll learn the tricks through trial and error
Standing in your shoes, I'll turn and run
I'll get it right, and yes it takes a little time, but eventually I'll get it right

The question is, how long do we have before our time is up? Just maybe, we won't be able to find it in this lifetime. But the thought itself is good enough for some comfort sense of completion
If things aren't meant to be in the first place, I'd say before we even begin counting our time is already up.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a much better day or maybe it won't.
The very least we could do is to feel alive again and that's what I plan to do.
I'll paint that rainbow once more,

this time from a different angle.

Celestial Fireworks

The first star I see may not be a star
and the time's is such a clumsy time, deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes
In the end we lose ourselves in our courage.

I've been here before but only by myself
What giving up gives you, and where giving up takes you,
Right here we can be anything, and I think that scares us away,
I've had and I've been, here in center frame there's only air.
Just enough space to fit.

The big hand goes round again,
Moving in one direction finding another to clap.
But it's okay, it's okay because it's getting tired and I'm putting it down.
Just so I can hear you, I stay up late as it takes, as long as it takes.

I close my eyes and believe that wherever you are, the Angels are keeping you close with them.

Stellar Jewel Box

can anything be more beautiful than this? perhaps. until we find something better, we all set aside what's in front of us.

Growing Sideways

Do you realize that some questions in life that you want answers to are normally the hardest question you can ask someone?

Is everything well planned like what we're made believe to?
Why haven't they invented time machine?
Don't they know alot of people would want to go back in time even if its just for a second?

Or why am I here when I can be half a world away sipping freshly brewed beer in a rundown pub?

Why him? why her? why nobody? why love? why hate?
Three letters of mystery.

We are who we are today from the experience in life.
What we've been through, they haunt us simply because we can't forget about it.
Maybe not now, maybe we don't have the strength to do so at this point of time,
maybe there are still questions left unanswered,
maybe we're all dumbstrucked by the sudden change that we can't cope with,
maybe something we unintentionally did,
or maybe some things are just out of your control that there's no point putting the blame on yourself.

The talk came to me in a very convenient time.
Not everything is your fault. Why the harsh treatment?
We don't live our lifes for others, but for ourselves and ourselves alone.
And as long as we're happy, nothing else really matter does it?

I do like to think about the life in the future, how it's a so intriguing.
I like to think about what was going on the years when we were growing,
How the sun was shining that summer or if it rained... what the weather was like.
I think about all those people who had footprints in my heart and if it's an old friend, or new
how many of them who would still be there for you.
I love how people continues to evolve, how every time I open my mind they give their taste differently than if I had opened it on any other day.
How we're constantly evolving and gaining complexity.

That is, until it peaks - like and old wine - and begins its steady, inevitable decline.

Rain my night

Two killer tea, and i'm clearly wide awake now with no intentions to fall into slumber.
The holiday wasn't supposed to be like this, time spend in front of the computer and catching on with movies.

The irony is starting to show. The part where we take our time to get off from bed and skipping meals. Just lay still.

Frozen, reluctant to move an inch, waiting for some sign to hit the brain.
Looking for an excuse to get off that comfort zone.

We all live the day for a purpose. Whether its work or life, we go places to meet people, or to catch that familiar faces, or maybe just to feel alive. Most of the time we just make do with what we have, and hope that at the end of the day the very least we can obtain is a small fragment of happiness. No regrets.

Half of the time, we forget about it and move on to the next day because what may come next, is only a mystery waiting to be unfold. We look forward to a new beginning, a fresh start like a new race. And I guess the only time we should get worried about is when everyday turn mundane, just the same shit, different day. Then we pray for changes.

We seek high and low for something new. Maybe not extraordinary, but different.
Anything different is good. Good for the soul, good for the heart and whatelse...
All i wanted so bad, is to be good, but I know it will never be the same.
The cake has gone cold, a slice was taken, and never will it be a whole again.
It takes time to come up with a recipe, and together with good ingredients, it just taste good.
So good it melts like honeycomb chocolate in the mouth.

It has been a turbulence month, high and low, not even the share market can match it.
Life cannot be more unpredictable than this, but eventually, life will have its own way to put us back on track.

A new year is coming, I'm looking forward to it, but right now, I'm more worried about the remaining days before that day approach.

Happy birthday Julian! Another year has gone by, and thank you for the nights that you lend your ears to me, unconditionally. Well maybe with a bottle of beer and a few ciggys, but still,
Thanks!

I think God Can Explain

The world seems bigger than both of us
Yet it seems so small when I begin to feel alone.

It's all right, I'm O.K.
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away.

I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain.

When we're not Looking

You know when you said things you don't meant it in the first place?

Those words usually hurt the most.
The worse thing about that is we can't take it back.

What we do then? we apologise, even if it takes a lifetime to do it.
Spur of a moment, slipped through our tongue into the ears and the damage is done.

When its done face to face, the very least we can do is to hug each other at the end and hope that after that warm touch of skin, the feelings is great enough to cover our mistake of words.
But what if it's done behind technology? Behind this monitor screen back at home with someone across the world.
What if you slipped? and that's the only thing u've done so far.
I'm not overlooking the water, but at least I know there's a puddle right in front of me.

Sometimes, we speak in riddle, because we don't want others to know how we feel.
Maybe we speak that way because we feel comfortable and to safeguard our emotions.
The danger of this is when someone else misintepret the wrong meanings.
Things go sour and we wait.
We hope, we wait and we're left alone because we expect the others to know how we feel.
And take actions.
Oh , that's a dangerous game.

There's also another case where you read something, and you thought it was you.
But it's not.
That's not danger.
That's a complete fool.

I might just be that fool in motion.
Take a picture and laugh at me.

I still do. All the time, every single second.
I don't want to sit and wait
I hope it's not to late to hope
Because I never stop hoping.

The Heart of The Matter

In life only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes;

No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions are,

You are going to make a mistake.

You are going to hurt people

You are going to get hurt.

And if you ever want to recover, there's really only one thing you can say...

Forgive and forget.

That's what they say. It's a good advice, but it's not very practical.

When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back.

When someone wrong us, we want to be right.

Without forgiveness old scores never settle.

Old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for

is that someday we'll be lucky enough to forget.

Seven Minutes to Midnight

The Earth is large.

Large enough that you think you can hide from anything: from fate, from God.

If only you found a place far enough away.

So you run... to the edge of the Earth, where all is safe again, quiet and warm.

The solace of salt air. The peace of danger left behind.
The luxury of grief... And maybe for a moment you believe you have escaped.

You can run far, you can take your small precautions, but have you really gotten away?
Can you ever escape?

Or is the truth that you do not have the strength or cunning to hide from destiny?

But the world is not small, you are... and fate can find you anywhere

You have no idea.

Words.
Amazingly, the more your ears try to reject it, the more painful it become.
When do i have the chance to sing my song and calm that heart?

The plots are all written in the book. No glimpse of the next chapter. Remember how we used to play those game book where you flip pages to see your next fate? I see myself heading to the end each time without seeing the beginning or counting on the next move.

Yes that's bad. I had all the wrong moves and was not sure. Someone left me in the dark without a light. I had to creep, find my way, carefully, slowly, so I don't fall back into the pits.
This time I really dug my own grave. Should have called, should have move , should have ... should have. Time's up.
You can't cheat and turn back the pages. I know and I'll live with it.

The irony part is, I felt the same way.
I obliged, I tried, I hoped, I prayed, nothing comes good.
In the end, it's not up to me. Where did it all go wrong?
I've waited, not expecting, but hoping that at the end of the day, when you close that gate and walk in, you're at least happy for the night. That's it.

Oh well, that's life perhaps. Some things doesnt always go your way.
When it happens, you just have to pick yourself up again
Life gets pretty confusing when you know what you're losing.

It was a perfect day for a perfect outing,
Why didn't you made a move to even ask for dinner?
Don't assume, see where it lead you now?
You obliged because you know, she'll be happier doing the things she would want to.
Sundays she said was for work, yes, don't you even dare give any ideas.
She had enough stress to worry about, don't pile on the pressure.
Okay, i'm going nowhere.

I'll be a much happier person if I had sixth sense,unfortunately I don't. Assuming is my sixth sense and it cause more harm than good.
I used to look forward to weekends
Not anymore. Not in these gloomy skies. I'll come out and play when the blue skies are back.

Mystification

Look above your head,
The chandelier suspended on the ceiling,
can you tell, when you are not looking
how crystal and light can blend so well?

I ponder hard, with walks
but it failed to turn this enigma around.
this paper dove, flawless as it folds
not a childs play, but work of an art

Lotus seeds in muddy water,
Hard as it may seem, i have to find the roots
I need to step out from this shadow
Feel the light, or just to feel alive.

We laugh too soon and cry too late,
Is your heart telling what you should hear?
Or are these just comforting words
To let you know it's okay to be there.

I still dream of Boston sometimes,
A new beginning to mark an ending,
Will it knock on my door and come my way?
I hope it does, only God knows when.

and the song kept playing...
I was alive from the first
Now I'm denied by the ghost of you.

=)

That Jaded Eyes

The sun was two steps too close with his waking eyes
Causing a temporary blind to his dreamy eyes
what he see is unfortunately not what's in her eyes
nevertheless, it was nothing less than who she is on that faithful night

Bittersweet. Hate it or love it, it's a taste I have to live with.
Holidays are over and somehow it seems to get even better when it's over.
The pieces are slowly fitting in like a random jigsaw puzzle, or are they?
I want to retreat my sword and brace the victory, but I'm choking on uncertainty.

The smell of danger linger like a near edge knife
A ticking timebomb waiting to explode.
Your back against my will, can you hear my heart wailing?
It gets harder each time when i breath u in.

I'm backsliding. I know I am, because I've never felt like this before.
I'm at the verge of being contented, not looking for more, not looking for something better, not even trying. And i think the thought of it makes it even scarier. There's something hidden, like a forbidden jewel, I wish I knew what it is so I can get it out my head.

I want to embrace the sunlight and smell the sweet meadows,
Run up that green hill, and catch the sunrise
Get entangle in that warm arms, or maybe just stay close to you,
Close enough to catch your heartbeat.

Green Hill Race

Have you ever had a moment when you're with the one person in the world you want to be with and the wind is blowing through your hair and the song that just describes your entire soul happens to come on, and then the person that you want to be with happens to love the same song and suddenly you realize you're listening to it together?

And that no matter how crazy your life has gotten there's this one moment...this perfect moment...where you could just say that no matter what happens, nothing can take this moment away from me...

We all wish we had moment like that, but how often do we manage to stumble upon it?
Maybe in the movies, or miraculously when you're least expect it to happen. Even when it seems impossible, don't stop dreaming. Because dreams is what we're made of.

From the beginning

There might have been things I missed

But don't be unkind

It don't mean I'm blind

Perhaps there's a thing or two

I think of lying in bed

I shouldn't have said

But there it is

You see, it's all clear

You were meant to be here

From the beginning

Maybe I might have changed

And not been so cruel

Not been such a fool

Whatever was done is done

I just can't recall

It doesn't matter at all

You see, it's all clear

You were meant to be here

From the beginning

As Long As it Matters

How can I find something
That two can take.

Without stumbling as we walk into our future's wake?

I'm like a broken record that you can play,
repeating as if it matters.

Everything I want to say,
I'll be alright.

As long as it matters,
As long as you're here with me now.

Forget that time,
It's nothing we touch and see.

All is fine,
even as it crashes down on me.

I'm looking around,
There's nothing that I could want,

More than to tell you
There's no more than we've already got.

As long as it matters,
As long as you're here with me now.

The bottle of whiskey

12 years, is how long it should take for a bottle of scotch to taste good.

Of course, the longer it is, the better it gets.


humans will always be human, somehow, i think God made us this way,to be imperfect, to make mistakes and to learn from it, to overcome and be strong,to imagine the impossible, to serve a purpose.I haven't found my purpose yet, but 1 thing i'm certain is that He's gracious enough to leave trails of footprints in my heart. He left lights burning so i don't go astray, for as long as it should before they die off.

Negative elements shakes a person emotionally. From Hatred, to betrayal,to dissapointment,and anger,and in a span of 7 days, I've inflicted it upon to people i love, people who had footprints in my heart more than I could ever inflict my whole life.


A good friend said i've practiced miscounduct, that statement sure felt like falling dominoes. It hit me and brought me back to the humble ground. I haven't slept for a day, just stared blankly at the ceiling thinking how to resolve this issue.I'm not seeking sympathy nor apathy, and trust me when i said it troubles me, it really does.

An uncaring person would not even give a flying kite on what's happening and act selfishly.It wasn't to your liking, maybe i should be more honest to you in the first place.But how sure are you that it would be any better? If there's a chance, right now, since I know, the impact it has done to you, I would have done likewise. I would have talk to you and ask your opinion first, to seek your blessings. But I can't right now. Tides have change, the trust is gone, and I know you will look at me in a different perspective from now on.

I don't blame you if have grudge or despise me.
All i'm asking is for a little room for forgiveness. Maybe not now, but one day.
Because I believe, that our friendship is worth more than that.

Sorry.

The Pledge

Prayer; they seem powerful when done persistently, without losing much and always hoping that 1 day it will come true.

I have a few drafts hiding behind this post. None of it came into a completion till now. I apologise for the inconsistency.

The skies are clear, bright blue and they look promising. I've longed for days like these. Days where I can walk out with a smile grinning on my face. Days where I can finally put a full stop to my sadness. Days where I can walk hand-in-hand, looking forward and not having a single thought of turning back.

I've asked the same question myself. Where have you been all these years?

I'm not complaining. He has his way on his wonders and the timing couldn't be any better. Perfection i must say. I'm thankful for the footsteps u have placed in my heart recently. We might be boarding an express train but deep down, it sure felt forever.

Words I use may seem blunt, but the feelings i have, i assure u, will only grow stronger. I will take every opportunity to blow ur dark clouds as u have done the same for me. Lid the light from your darkest hour, and replace that sad eyes with nothing but happiness. This is my pledge to you.

For you have cast a spell on me, with ur laughter and sweet gesture, like a drug without a cure.
Soon is what i look forward when i wake up in the mornings.
We'll make it through, day by day, to our outings, to genuine memories we promise to build, I will be by your side.

I have a reason to stay now. Stay still and breath you in. You've showed me the reason to start believing.....again. Forever is not what it takes to find happiness. It's in front of me now.
Let's enjoy what's install for us.

See you soon. ;)

One week

A week from now, I'll be gone
few thousand miles away to a foreign land
to renew my memories, to make new one,
to make something out of nothing.

A week from now, I'll be thinking
How amazing these few months has been,
that new months are ahead of me
is a mystery i do not want to unfold.

A week from now,I'll be missing
the nasi lemak and the wantan mee,
my character i left in the virtual world,
and my daily doze of fix i left behind.

A week from now, i'll be hoping
That when i return back from my holidays,
i'll be much stronger than i was before,
and free from the chains i put myself in.

A week from now seems like a year
How i wish i can just put myself where time doesnt exist
Or where a place that nobody knew who i was
Just an average Joe with nothing to prove.

I love Malaysia!!!!

Renewed my passport today and to my suprise, the immigration department was living up to its motto "MESRA, AMANAH DAN TEGAS dan KHIDMAT DENGAN SENYUMAN"
The service was good and efficient as compare to many bad experiences before hand and i must say, they are still good ones around.

Those that deserve to be shot at are the ones with no moral constitution to care about others. How hard is it to follow a simple mindset of keeping quiet in the cinema?

We're not leaving in a stone age nor are we not well educated in our country. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this people? Are they acting dumb or did their parents drop them when they were a baby? Retards. I didn't spend 10 bucks to hear your pussy giggle or ur gayish conversation with your friend. If i need narration, i can read from the fucking screen. Mahgehaichaocibai.

I don't usually get tick off easily, but yesterday my blood was boiling up to my head that i had to keep reminding myself not to make a scene out of it because it's Transformers.
A piss-off stare obviously didn't work.
A verbal insult didn't work either.
So maybe a whack in the head ought to do the trick next time.

It's really saddening to even claim that we're in a developing country. With people like that, i don't think we're going anywhere far.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, go figure out who runs the country.
Thankiew for ruining my movie. Thankiew for the wonderful scent from your feet. Thankiew for making another reason to hate 'you' even more.

Ciows

Missing Sunshine

It's funny how we relate our life with the world.

like how we see dark clouds hovering on top of our head
signalling a disastrous day

or how we associate rain as a blanket of sanctuary
that when you cry, nobody knows.

and I was once told that when it rains, it is actually angels crying from heaven.
How naive right?

I'm not sad nor depress. Hey my holidays are coming, i should be hopping around like the mad dinosaur instead of sulking in front of the monitor. Right?

It's just July. A month of challenges and bleeding.
A day has gone and i already felt lost. It's not the greatest of feeling and definitely not a pleasant 1 to be in. My fix is temporary gone and I long for it. It's getting addictive, at least emotionally, and I'm in a sucker's position to understand what's really going on. I know, and yet I pursue; eventhough i know i'll be rooted to the ground with thorns piercing through the heart.

I'm making memories out of nothing. Memories i will carry with me till the day you decide to pull my hand away or placed it close to your heart. Either way, you have my blessings.
I planned to write in jargons only I understand, but I figured out if i do, i'll be bombarded with even more headaches.

Shine through my clouds,
Carry away my melancholy,
Flood me with hope,
Shower me with affection.

Oh Transformers,
Thrill me with carburetor,
Bury me in nuts and bolts.
Gratify me with your sexy smoke.

=) it's going to be a long week, happy transforming!

Setting sail, yet again.

Time and time again, I constantly remind myself that everyone around me ought to be happy.

From the stranger who thinks you're weird when you exchange friendly gesture, to the salesman that go table to table trying to convince patrons for a small amount of money or perhaps a friend who've just experience a bad day to a family member who just went through a rough patch.

Inevitably, some part of me want them to be happy even if it means sacrificing part of mine. Whether it's an act of a fool, or some might see it as a feat to gain pity ness and compassion.

How you see it is up to you. I can't control how you see me or how you judge me at all. I don't intend to play God either. I just want happiness to spread around me.
If there's a bill billed to me about the things I do that made another person sad, I'm definitely bound to recieve capital punishment for it.

Pleasing yourself is easy, a large pepperoni pizza and a few mugs of beer would do the trick. But pleasing those around you takes more than just a pizza and alcohol. It takes time, sincerity and in the end, it doesn't guarantee success either.

I'm trying to extend my sincere apology but no matter how I look at it, It's never enough.
Words are cheap and the word 'Sorry' is ever so often taken for granted. If i were to kneel down with tears rolling down my cheek, you wouldn't think it's sincere because the damage has already been done.
No matter how I twist and turn or look sideways to it, what's done is done. That's the obvious fact.

We don't need gifts or roses to say we're sorry; maybe just maybe sometimes a hug does help, but still, how long before it happen again, before we repeat ourselves in commiting the apology act over again?

The lesson here is not to repeat the same mistake because once is enough and twice is just making a fool out of myself. My mistake before was running away whenever something bad happen. Then i realize it's just a matter of time before the truth actually catches up with you.
I still have to face it.

Consequently, I stopped running. Because you taught me too.

And here I am, trying to be optimistic, trying not to be a complete fool, telling the truth on a page where everyone can read.
So the truth is, that i find it hard telling you in person. The truth that has been hiding inside of me itching to crawl out from my tonsils and coming out of as words.

I always hope that one day, when i've gathered enough courage to tell you, it would be different, not through some dreadful words on a monitor screen, but somewhat perfectly fit moment like what we see in sappy romantic movies.
Then again, I do not wish to be playing second fiddle, so I've decided to sail away for now.

Great things happened when I least expect it to, and I've not had any tiny thoughts of regret spending every moment with you, not even the slightest. Because for once in many years, I've never felt so belong before. You made it go away in just a breeze. Thank you.

I doubt I can find anyone like you anytime soon, but nevertheless, I'll never stop looking for someone as great as you.

So for now, I hope that we still remain who we are, and who knows,perhaps one day, things would just be slighly different.
You'll always have a place in my heart, my dear friend.

Always.

Spur of the Moment

Every once in a while, right in middle of an ordinary life, when ur life is not getting any better, u tend to look for a spark. A snap of a finger that says "hey, it's alright, that's life"





I wish everything around works that way, just pure simplicity.





As far as I know, what we imagine is a whole load of crap. Life is about digging deep, climbing obstacle, getting emotional turmoil and hoping that one day things would get better. Sooner or later, anyway will do, just better. And if you just might feel lucky, everything falls neatly into places.


I envy it. I desire it.

PS: Just to kill off the curiosity, the tiny thing between the fingers is NOT what you think it is! I'm NOT that DISGUSTING!

Second fiddle

A true champion is one who's not afraid to lose, but dare to dream. Dare to take chances and never leave room for doubts.
But what creates an outstanding champ is that they don't play second string to another champion. They simply take pride of what they do, cream of the crop.

I have dreams to achieve greater heights, live at will, be the pioneer and lead the way. The basic fundamentals of a leader. One who takes control and pilot.
Yes, i wish to have all these. To have people listen while you engineer the whole plan.

I'm afraid that my ego will swallow me up one day. So momentous that i fall short and when i look back to catch up on my past it's too far behind. Too late to salvage what's left.
I'm fearful that I may lose my mind striving for a dying hope. An inconvenient truth of a cat and mouse game.
The chase is about to end, because i know for once it was so clear, that I'm always playing second fiddle to many things in life.

And God forbid me, from hating myself, I have to. A selfish senseless decision that smashes my guarded heart into pieces.

I wanna lead. I wanna be in front. I want to stop chasing. I know eventually, i will get there. It's just a matter of time again. This pact remind me of who am I , where I stand because I know if I would to appear again in a different time or life, it will definitely be different.

Right now, i'm goin to stop playing second fiddle. Right here, I'm goin to guard my heart.

Just a piece of mind i wish to share out.

Old tune

I can picture myself lying on the beach with my sunnies and a cold mug of beer on 1 hand or warm sand sipping through my toes like walking on a stretch of silky pathway. The imagination part alone is enough to make my heart run so wild as if I'm reaching an orgasm.

Maybe not to that intense la, but still...i can't wait !

Only a month and 7 days before my heavenly escapade to Bali and while most of you are stuck in that working chair of yours staring at the flickering monitor from 9 till 5, I will be staring at God made beauty for a whole week. (No I'm not refering to the guy!! u aint no beauty to me, hehehe please dun kick me out from the room)

Anyhow,not trying to make u corporate slaves jealous la, but i really need this break ! and anyone of you who are willing to fork out airtickets to Bali, u are always welcome to join us. There's still room to sleep. *coughtoiletcough*

wait the toilet has jacuzzi ! no way u're getting near there!

I do believe that some songs are strong enough to inspire a person. Some songs that you listen over and over again it somehow stays with you through bleak moments,and some songs u just grow old with.
Songs and people,they are very much alike. They represent people.

Like if you hear a particular song, it reminds you of someone. Of course if it happens to suit the ear, you'll listen till the very last verse, and the obvious is to skip the track if it brings back bad memories.

I have my fair share of songs for people that i care about. Songs that followed me through depths of hell, and songs that never fail to bring back the smile. Maybe i'll compiled them up just for keepsake.

I'm 24 plus and in a few days time,a quarter of a century old. Yea tell me about it. Just stating it first so you guys can stop reminding me that I'm OLD ! I'm AGED! or in better words, im not getting any younger now , I feel the pinch everysingle second.

But, thank God that white hair is still not visible now, but eventually, it WILL pop out. and I'll start losing hair, I'll get wrinkled up, getting more irritated, deafening and start being more attractive. The prime age is kicking in !

Girls just dig older guys, especially matured 1s with white hair and face of an after effect botox injection. I don't know why, but i do hope that someone would just enlighten me on this.

It will be a quiet 1 this year. No budget to spend like a rich brat as holiday is coming soon and i intend to 'accidently' spend all my cash in Bali.

yea, saddening but true.

ciow peeps

Matter of time

Hey love, it's been a while
God it's good to see you smile

I see you reaching for your keys

Looking for a reason not to leave

I can't do what i do if it's you

I can't do what i do if we're through

I knew her look from behind

I knew her smile from above

These barrier they seem so high
Tiring enough to gaze the height
Mystery lies beyond the wall
Will i get answer if i try hard enough?

Words , they seem so cheap
But can meant a thousand grace.
Staring deeply into your eyes
Fell into a charming spellbind.

Hey girl, I miss you not once
Priceless ones are from within.
You leave me with a heavy heart
Everytime we fail to bid goodbye.

Guess i couldn't resist the temptation to make an entry. this place give me a shelter and a chance to be me.
I actually miss not having it.

Feels like a yoyo these days, happy, sad, grateful, contented, dissapointment, and happy back again. Such a mixture only leave me with greater confusion. A prayer keeps the mind calm and focus, make no room for hesitation and regrets. Trust me, the power of prayer are beyond words.
Let's hope it stays that way for many years to come.

Things are clearer now and should be heading to a better side of the fence. I'm only afraid that the fence on the other side is not as green as i thought it would be. I find myself pretty demanding at times. I want to, but afraid to, if you know what i mean.

i wonder what will life be without your existence? or will i be who i am right now? or will i ever meet someone so amazing as u are?
then i realized that answers to some questions are best not answered. I categorize it under the mysterious of life answer.
I don't wanna know the answers, because i believe u appeared for a reason, and knowing the answers will just defeat the purpose. U pick me up when i was down, showed me all the reason to smile. what more can I ask for.

This journey could never happened at a better time. I can never think of a better time than knowing u earlier somewhere else. And i've already boarded the ship. I admit. I love being on board.
You can say i naik kapal for all i care! The difference between a kapal and a kapal terbang is , when u decided to jump overboard, u survive, and u swim. You swim as hard as you can to find a shore.

=)

Aside from that, the most dissapointing point is when a friend tells you he's different now. That he choose. What made you think you're so different that the friendship between us is merely something u can toy with? Coming from you is such a dissapointment. All I hope for is a room to forgive and i do not want these friendship to just vanish into thin air. Words are cheap, I know, so another thing i wanna say to you is do whatever you want as long as you're happy !

There you go, a whole month of rant sardine into an entry.

I love the day the sunshine sip through the bubbles and shed light into our .........

...

we do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want, and this i know..

but nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life

...

i'm signing off from here =)

momentarily

maybe permanent

Staying +

I find the phrase "just forget what happened today" the most deceiving crap ever.
Only applicable if your mental state of mind is made out of plugs and wire.

You cannot forget, but you can definitely move on. Moving on takes time and it's not like something where u can seal it in a bottle and throw it in the sea. It take days and months and for rare cases like mine , i wait for something better to come along.

I slipped and never imagine myself being so horribly wrong in my doings. There is no regrets and it happened. I can't fix the damage but i know on my case i will never ever be so wrong anymore. Anymore.

I made a pact to keep myself from going down and stay sane. I've decided that certain things are made for one another and I have no intention to change the course. It can never change the fact that whatever you do as long as you're happy, it's okay. I shift to maintain what I have now, and i hope it work out.

Im going to stay positive and stop hoping. Ive decided to close the door and leave room to breath. A small hole doesn't hurt as much as giving a whole door. And thank you for bringing Him back to me. I talked,He listened. More than I can ever bargain for.

Break. I'm so hoping for 1 now. July please be around the corner.

Ten Queues

My mind is as clear as the sky tonite.

The wisest of words came spontaneously and points are well taken down. I'm really grateful for the advice given and it couldnt be anymore clearer than putting my legs back on the ground.

Thank you for telling me it's not wrong and asking me to believe that happiness comes from doing as much as you can and not regretting it at the end of the day.

Thank you for telling me not to dive deeper or swim away but to follow where the current flows and hope it lands somewhere.

Thank you for telling me that it's rare to find someone you can click so well with and don't ever leave any room for ignorance.

Thank you for telling me not to take things for granted and giving me back the sense of believing and what I'm capable of doing.

Thank you for being a friend and stop being so busy with work and forget what we are actually missing out on.

Haha. Had a great night and looking forward so much for my meal ! ;)

I'm going to prove that having an entry in my blog is not only when I'm sad.

Have a great weekend !

I-Know-I-Made-You-Think-I-Don't.....

You know that sinking feeling of getting up early in the morning ,dragging urself to work and knwing that there's nothing to look forward to?

Feels like being buried in bertimbun-timbun of shit. Disastrous, demotivated and constantly gazing at the clock watching every tiny tick counts.

Backside itchy, went to Groove Junction yesternight to experience jazz music =). Suprisingly, it was totally unexpected and i left the place with good memories. If you picture it to be a dark cosy environment with candlelight lid on every round table, 0r a place to pour the soul out, think again!

I couldn't believe the community of jazz lovers could be such an overwhelm. Well, maybe i jump into conclusion too quickly there, but seriously, it will blow your mind away. The singing, the musicians are simply amazing. They can just be better than an ordinary rock band, anyfuking time.
Plus, the ladies drool over them -.-

Thanks to 5 love ladies, we get to sit in the jam packed bistro. Thanks again , and u know who u are ;) Blog stalker.. ehehe

I had a splendid evening and it has been ages since i last felt such way. It's a weird addiction in such a manner that i'm so looking forward to the next one. Maybe i'm deprived from the opposite sex for far too long and when something wonderful like this came into the picture, it was too much to resist. There are times where i kept reminding myself that it's too good to be true and feels like a dang good dream.

A dream that i would rather not wake up to. A dream that i would rather live in.

But i know, sooner or later, i will wake up. Back to a place where the only common thing we share is just the sky. And that time comes...

have mercy on me and spare me the tears.

Believing

A day before , for 6 years i was not the man i used to be.
The lingering thoughts of regret kept playing like a broken record.
Not till recently when the weight was lifted and if you were to guess it, it would be her.

So like many years before, i took the initiative to drop a wishful message on her big day and as usual, she would say thanks.

These year however, took a twist.
It made me smile for i know that at least my thoughtful actions ended up somewhere.

I realized that i'm filled with emotions lately, and the very least i know i'm walking on a steady ground and what im actually dealing with. I have needs and the hunger that drives me to achieve this needs are beyond words that i contradict myself most of the time.

The good thing is im opening up now,one thing i find hard to do for a long time. I've been spilling out skeletons in my closet to one person I wish i knew earlier. I know she wont agree with me on this and time isn't the best thing to look forward to.

Everyday, i kept reminding myself how lucky i am to have my family, my bros, my friends and recently that person who made me realise what i've been missing out.

I guess It's never too late to start believing.

Many of u who knew me would know that sometimes i drift away. I drift away from the things i love because i know and learn that nothing is permanent. I try not to get attached to things i love solely because i know i will be deeply scarred if i were to lose it.
A minor slip, a mistake, whatever, i will not feel the same again because deep down i do care. Very hard to please am I?

When i said don't treat me so nice, i actually meant i'm scared. im afraid of changes, im afraid to lose the thing that made me believe i had a purpose the next morning. It made me a dysfunctional creepy person. I'm sure i made alot of girls ran away because of this. Honestly, nothing to be proud of here.

Yea, and if you're having a rough day, try looking at a sleeping baby. Suprisingly, it keeps the mind calm.
Works for me .

Dumbstruck

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.

They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages.

It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.

It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love

Stagnant

i follow the religion of Love
a wrong mix of crowd
many-named many flew
all in the nature of Fear

my beloved is three
three yet only one
many things appear in three
which are no more than one

nights i normally sleep
awaken by the silent weep
feelings shouldnt find speed
the more u speed the more u bleed

Short rope of hope
Falls short on grip
my will against my whole
alone against my will

A blessing

I'm infected with the "not-so-keen-2-update-anymore" syndrome.
I have been awfully lazy nowadays and yes you don't have to remind me.
Life's good, at least for me and no complains yet, i hope.

My new found colleagues have been nothing but amazing. Click so well the time is so insignificant. I hope it last for a very long time. M stuck between a fine line between principles and reality. It's really giving me a big headache and I know it's a dead end. I hope something pops up and shed some light to guide a lost soul from walking blindly to a garden of rose. You know those moments when everything feels just right, nothing more nothing less, perfectly time but you know that the outcome will just be another sunset. Distinctively beautiful and can't hold on to.
I'll just sleep with it.

Weekend's gonna be great. M going to attend a friend's wedding of same age. My first time, and can't wait to give my blessings to them. It's also a good time to catch up with friends whom I lost touch with. And due to this, I'll be missing out on the rave happening in KL Tower. M not keen to stretch extra muscle for I'm weak in my knees. I rather be sitting on the patio or sipping juice from Starbucks with my trusty laptop =). Yup I finally own a laptop!! Not a pretty high-end 1, but decent enough to host my Heroes series and camwhoring pics.

If you observe clearly, I've actually lost weight in recent weeks. I managed to shed the tummy due to appetite lost and I'm hoping to gain it back by munching down Italian food. So anyone who's interested for pasta, or pizza, do cal me yea ! I need CHHEEEEESEEEEEEEEE!

I just stared blankly on this screen for mere 5 minutes and nothing seem to come out. Next time, cya

A big shout out to Lee Tze Vern " Happy Birthday Yo!!! Been a great 6 years of friendship , SEe ya real soon!"

Apologize

We have to at some point in our life

Why not we start now?

So long so wrong.

Do you see cobwebs?
Imaginary, i do. I'm a lazy ass bastard who has given up on writing. Not permanently. You know, just waiting to get back the passion. The one I had before died together when the door was shut, the key dropped in the sea of confussion.
Life's been good so far. Alot of suprises and I seem to like the mundane commitment now. Work's great, no complains yet and the bunch of people in the office are just easy to hang out with.

I had wild nights of insomnia lately and tonight is one of those days where I can't seem to be able to fall asleep. I've watched two sappy romantic flicks back to back hoping that it would bore me to sleep, driven to the wall by an irritating mosquitoe and annoyed with the constant motor noise caused by the air-cond.Somehow, I just couldn't fall into slumber mode. So that's why I've decided to be here.

For a span of two weeks, I have been absorbing quite an amount of both fruitful and not so fruitful events. We all lose our head and snap at people, sometimes, unconditionally and unintentionally without realizing the consequences of such impact. Forgive and forget, that's what we do after such occurance. Morally speaking, to lay hand on another person, what more a female is pathetic. An argument can spark instantaneously when the mind is not in the right state and needless to say there's no law stating the rights and wrongs of being a human being. But understand that we live in a civilize society, and we crosspath with peer pressure. I may not understand what you are going through but as a childhood friend, I understand the feeling of being cornered, neglected and helpless. I've been through those shit in life and it's way much better living in hell. My point is, there's always someone who would sit down and have a cup of coffee with you , drilling down the core of the problem so you don't have to go through it alone. I hope I've send you a clear message of what friendship actually means in words because I know if I would have say it straight to your face, it would only sounded more like rubbish. I hope things work out for you and her.

More to come soon , and if you're feeling 'spongy' KIV. I have alot to share, just very little time.

toodles.


Vips' on the deck with the 'cup' =) .

When we were young.

I just love looking at still photos of the past.

How we can live those days with nothing but joy and fun and no worries.

Especially moments from a birthday party.


Simply priceless.

Not so secretive afterall.

Secrets.

We all have dirty lil secrets that we swore not to tell anyone. Not even in a game of truth or dare will the secrets unconditionally leaked out. We all love to hear them, and we can be persuasive to the point we are willingly to go a mile in obtaining the correct source. Unethical.

Often secrets are told when we are not in the right mind of state or when we want someone to pass it on the another person. It gets lonely when you are just keeping it to yourself and eventually you have the urge to simply slip out of your mouth. Whether we are drunk or during a slumber party. We only tell it to the people we trust and we assume that they will keep it with them. I believe so.
What we won't tell won't hurt. I always believe that. It relates alot to living in denial.

Secrets. You have two ways in looking at it. You can either be damn happy, or damn miserable. The way it is told plays a huge part in getting the message across. Nevertheless , it has to be dealt with. Face the wrath , take the leap , unwind the truth , open the door , whatever it takes.

The amazing thing about secret is the after effect. It no longer becomes a secret. It no longer ties you down and you can start becoming a normal person. It's that simple. No rocket scientist formula behind it.

Some secrets so big it can eat up smaller secrets. Some so strong you can sense it coming before it is told. Some so spontaneous you don't see it coming and some so painful you don't want to even think about it.

I have my fair share of secrets today. The cat is finally out of the bag and there's nothing to do except accepting it. It's depressing at first, but if you actually look at it in a different perspective , it ain't that bad afterall. I'm glad it happened. Especially when the new year is about to usher in. The countless nights of walking pays off decently.

time to pick up the pieces. =)

Happy chinese new year everyone!

One of those days

Tonight was a good night to walk. My cravings for an ordinary Ramli burger is just another side reason. The night is eerily quiet when there are so many thoughts running inside your head. I took baby steps and obviously enjoying my lone moment. I feel safe with the well lid street lights and the constant patrol of our friendly neighbourhood guard. Not that I remembered paying for their service, but the presence is enough to feel secure.

Valentine's coming. It will be another one of those years again. Having said that, I don't remember spending a fortune on gifts, flowers or dinner. Seriously 14th of February is just overrated. The only day that restaurant gets to suck all the juices out of your wallet and the food will eventually taste so bad it's a disgrace to even pay for such service.

I'm not a Valentine kind of person and never will understand the hype surrounding it. Why wait for the only day of the year to show you appreciate that someone when you can do it every single day.

I'm having one of those days again where I have so many things to say but eventually it all evaporate away once I start putting it in words. I hate it.
Pain, that's what I'm feeling at the moment. maybe I like the pain. Maybe I'm wired that way. Because without it , I don't know maybe I just won't feel real.
So I went to the doctor. The doctor who stitched my wound, I like her. She gave me pain killers for the pain. She's also honest and charming in one way. Like any doctors, they wouldn't lie to their patient. She wouldn't too.
Lying. Something we practice ever so often. Not like we want to, but it just slips right through our lips sometimes.
So;
"No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie."

Pain hurts. Lie hurts ; Therefore Lie = Pain

New Career Path

Title says it all. After a third successful interview, I'm officially going to work in Tele Dynamics Sdn Bhd, a subsidary business solution company from Toshiba. I was deceived by the title "Management Trainee" posted by jobstreet. When I turn up on Saturday for the 1st interview, they actually offered a different position as stated. Malu like baboon only when I entered the room.

Lucky or not , I still aced it. The secret of it all, just smile and pretend you know everything. Hahaha

Seriously. just show a pleasant face and hope for the best. Don't show the muka sepuluh sen or muka emo enough already.

Today was my second interview with the CEO of the company , a japanese guy with great vision, Mr.Takahashi Watanabe. I shook his hand, and listen to his kind words of advise about the job scope. Being in the room with the guy who made everything possible is really amazing. Though he still talk with a heavy Japanese accent, his English was not too bad at all. I could understand, most of it.

3 jobs, 3 home runs. Let's see what happen next. Most likely, I'll be staying for a long long time.
Ask me again a year from now =)

Bread Crumbs

The fog so thick my vision was blured
I walk up to your front door
with great hope on one hand
only to be turn away by dissapointment

The next day is an excuse to run away
New environment , new prospect
A brand new beginning
Just what I needed, desperately.

I couldn't sleep these past few days,
I looked at you as the person I could talk to
All I get is a load of static
So severe it's un-saveable

On and off, I look for something inspiring ,
A comfort zone away from dissapointment,
A barrier of white lies,
and choices of word to soothe my soul

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it , all we really want is to be close to somebody.
So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

Farkiew no time

Literally Fucked

Up , Down , Left , right

fucking blogspot pissing me off as well.

ta

Through Glass

OUght to be in your playlist.

Out of reach

That fine fine porcelain,
Displaying gracefully in an antic shop,
The little note written could not be seen from afar,
"For Sale" it says, that answered my curiosity.

The bell made a clear sound of my presence
A young lady stood up behind the counter
Baring a rather familiar face
One I've seen many times, only uncertain where.

I enquire about the priceless piece,
The only one that outshine the others.
The one and only that caught my attention.
I silently told myself that It has to be mine.

A pinch feeling of dissapointment fill the air,
I was told that it belongs to someone,
Someone who already knew the value,
Oh! what a great bargain he's 'bout to get.

Lucky him.

I walked away in despair,
Contemplating on what I've missed out,
I'll just have to look out for another one,
It won't be easy, It never was in the first place.


If only she knew...


how important that porcelain meant to me...

Strange Condition

Running away,
nowhere to go.
Cold shivers running down my spine
only a worn out coat to keep me warm,

I long for
A cup of hot cocoa, and an Amos's cookie
Particularly chocolate chip and pecan , my favourite!
such simple pleasures doesn't come easy these days.

The girl in black
color of my mood
her smile so natural
living me insane

waiting for the last bus
with a quarter on my hand
I wonder how far it will take me
before I can see you once more

things i love
are often shortlived
either fickled mind
or stupidity

whatever it is , wherever I am,
I'm just me

A stranger to all.

Life after Hope

Usually, a good movie is often judge by the ending.
Or how a reader tells if it's a good book by reading the last chapter.

Closure.

To end things in a good note. To move on. The closure in life are often left unnoticed living a huge scar behind , waiting for time to heal the wound and hoping for a miracle that one day go back to where it all started out, the past.

I was diliberately blinded by the fact that it wasn't over, that somehow one day in the tiniest percentage of humanity that I still stand a chance.I guess that's why I still held on to it. I should have seen it coming a long long time ago. Should have clarify my credential and made everything crystal clear and full stop. No turning back.

Not anymore.
I've gathered enough courage to ask what actually happened. I needed to know. And most importantly, I needed to move on. She gave a very logical explanation that we were still young and naive back then and she didn't actually knew what love is until after college. I just told her that some people don't even know what love is right till today; and I think it's so very true.

I felt relieved , partly sad, but mostly relieved that the weight I had in my heart is lifted upon years of holding back my thoughts about the x. I never felt such boost of confidence before in my life. You know how surfacing from water feels? It's great, dealing with your fear , knowing the truth and although it hurts sometime, it's not as bad as keeping it to yourself.

I ask myself , "what's next?"

Swim my boy, just go with the flow.

Spot lights please?

You know how girls go crazy over lengchai male artists.
Oh how they just idolize and adore the good looking ones as if they've seen a God walking on the street.

Even my mom, of all people join the millions who would go googoogaga over Rain the Korean phenomenon.
Not the fanatic type though, luckily.

I still scratch my head sometimes.

So, I was browsing through the internet today,
and I found this website.

It gives hope to ugly people like me.

check out the result.





Super bangga gila babi cannot sleep !!! 70% lookalike wei, dun pray pray.

It just made my day. =)

Now, to tell her that her son resembles her idol,
hmph..... how do I even know where to start.

"Ah ma! Ngo Tak Jor La!!!"?



ps: sorry had to remove the Kelly lookalike. hehe anyhow, i think she should be proud. 96% sial!
wah lau eh

Bubble Talk

Communication.
It's the first thing we really learn in life.
Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say.

Or how to ask for what we really need.
I don't deny having a hard time expressing myself, and the more i keep it to myself, the more its eating up inside of me.

Why is it sometimes it's hard to even say a simple hello.
What more trying to convey in text messages.
Bold, courage is something I don't have and in return, I'm an expert in hiding my own feelings.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about.
Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer.

Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do.

Some things you say because there's no other choice.
Some things you keep to yourself.

And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

Wouldn't it be nice if conversations are made out of comic strips?
Delete , refer back or just edit what we've just said for a better understanding.

Communication, what a funny thing to do.

Unproductive

You cannot imagine how I spent my day today.
It has to be the most UNPRODUCTIVE DAY ever recorded in the working industry.

SEriously.

I just stood in the office with a bunch of open-minded colleagues and start talking about sex. =.=

Sex , sex and more sex.

Not interesting enough? someone had to give me a Condom survey to do. How bout that!

I even managed to bore a few victims with a long spam message of "Boooooooorrrrrriiingggggggg!"

Some went offline straightaway, Some asked me to STFU, and some just didint' even bothered to layan me. So mean the people i mix with . Hehe

I couldn't log in to blogger, and if I did, i would have written the longest post EVER.

As I was talking today, somehow it hit me , that I badly needed a hobby. So I've decided to either do cooking or cycling or prolly both if I have the time.

If you have any contacts regarding a cooking class near Klang Valley, please oh please be a saint and recommend to me because I think the only thing that will piss my mom off is to cook better than her =)

Resolutions

A week old from 2007, I have yet to state my resolutions for the year. =)

Let's see how last year's reso went.

- Grow some meat. Zh'ng my body.
Pass - havent had time to Zhn'g, definitely put on weight. Not that fat la, got mini bonggol only

- Eat more food, without having any complains from my friends.(Eat abit more kena scolding, niabeh)
Fail - still get frequent complains and always in the limelight when i complain hungry. Leave me alone =.=

- Put 30% of my salary into savings and buy properties/car. (I think this 1 cannot lar, see money in bank sure spend ..aiyoh)
Fail - Not enough money for myself, but i do have some savings now...Yay!

- Travel. Definitely want to see the open world. First stop, Australia!
Fail - Furthest I went was Redang =.= Ninabeh. This year i will get out from the country.

- Get a digital camera.
Pass - Got an Ixus 60 =)

- Will not get Wasted again. Will not get wasted again. Will not get wasted again.
Pass - Only wasted once this year. Very good achievement.

- Alcohol is not your friend. Remember that.
Pass - No more drinking for me. Only casual drinks on friend's birthday.

- Dota is only a temporary hobbie. Not a full time activity. REMEMBER that.
Pass - Been months since my last dota game. No more addicted to it

- Learn a new language. Not hamsap language ok.
Fail - Err, totally forgotten about this .

- Get PS3 by Christmas.
Fail - Just launch in Asia and freaking expensive.

- Try to find a new job closer to home. Less Jam, Less Stress, more money.
Pass - Got a new job. Less Jam
Fail - More stress, losing hair and not a very good pay. Two words ; bangla work

- Keep in touch with long lost friends.
Pass - Kept in touch with some Australian friends and been in touch with kindergarden friends. Still alot more to do.

- Get a new gf. ><
Fail - Miserably. hahah Like always

This year's Resolution

1. Visit at least 2 continents or 3 countries
2. Appear in newspaper for all the right reasons.
3. Get a new job that I enjoy doing.
4. Quit smoking and drinking entirely.
5. Be health concious and eat healthier food.
6. Pick up a new hobby
7. Meet a foreign friend.
8. Move out
9. Be less emo-er =)
10. Settle down

I think it's pretty much achievable. Just need to start getting work done. Hope you guys have a great year ahead !

Tandas Awam Revealed.

Have you check out the new public toilet kiosk in KL?


If you happen to be in Bukit Bintang or Lot 10 , do check it out for the sake of checking it out.


Don't worry it's always vacant. AND since people start complaining, they have reduced the price from RM1.20 to RM 0.20 =)


Even when it's cheap, utilizing the facility is another issue. Imagine entering an elevator-like toilet in the middle of the street.


Feeling hot outside? Don't worry, pay 20 cents , get a personalize air-cond!



Everything is motion sensored; the toilet seat, the basin, the soap dispenser, the hand dryer and even the lightings.
Oh and before you plan to take your own sweet time, wanking or thinking about doing quickie with ur honeybunny, DON'T ,because there is a 15 minutes time limit.

God knows what happen after the 15 minutes is up.

It's pretty neat if you ask me. Worth a try if you have really nothing better to do like me. BUT beware, because there is a big FLAW with this lovely toilet of ours. =)



Got nice mirror to cam whore sommore. Wah seh !




I wasn't wearing any pants when I took this picture.