I-Know-I-Made-You-Think-I-Don't.....

You know that sinking feeling of getting up early in the morning ,dragging urself to work and knwing that there's nothing to look forward to?

Feels like being buried in bertimbun-timbun of shit. Disastrous, demotivated and constantly gazing at the clock watching every tiny tick counts.

Backside itchy, went to Groove Junction yesternight to experience jazz music =). Suprisingly, it was totally unexpected and i left the place with good memories. If you picture it to be a dark cosy environment with candlelight lid on every round table, 0r a place to pour the soul out, think again!

I couldn't believe the community of jazz lovers could be such an overwhelm. Well, maybe i jump into conclusion too quickly there, but seriously, it will blow your mind away. The singing, the musicians are simply amazing. They can just be better than an ordinary rock band, anyfuking time.
Plus, the ladies drool over them -.-

Thanks to 5 love ladies, we get to sit in the jam packed bistro. Thanks again , and u know who u are ;) Blog stalker.. ehehe

I had a splendid evening and it has been ages since i last felt such way. It's a weird addiction in such a manner that i'm so looking forward to the next one. Maybe i'm deprived from the opposite sex for far too long and when something wonderful like this came into the picture, it was too much to resist. There are times where i kept reminding myself that it's too good to be true and feels like a dang good dream.

A dream that i would rather not wake up to. A dream that i would rather live in.

But i know, sooner or later, i will wake up. Back to a place where the only common thing we share is just the sky. And that time comes...

have mercy on me and spare me the tears.

Believing

A day before , for 6 years i was not the man i used to be.
The lingering thoughts of regret kept playing like a broken record.
Not till recently when the weight was lifted and if you were to guess it, it would be her.

So like many years before, i took the initiative to drop a wishful message on her big day and as usual, she would say thanks.

These year however, took a twist.
It made me smile for i know that at least my thoughtful actions ended up somewhere.

I realized that i'm filled with emotions lately, and the very least i know i'm walking on a steady ground and what im actually dealing with. I have needs and the hunger that drives me to achieve this needs are beyond words that i contradict myself most of the time.

The good thing is im opening up now,one thing i find hard to do for a long time. I've been spilling out skeletons in my closet to one person I wish i knew earlier. I know she wont agree with me on this and time isn't the best thing to look forward to.

Everyday, i kept reminding myself how lucky i am to have my family, my bros, my friends and recently that person who made me realise what i've been missing out.

I guess It's never too late to start believing.

Many of u who knew me would know that sometimes i drift away. I drift away from the things i love because i know and learn that nothing is permanent. I try not to get attached to things i love solely because i know i will be deeply scarred if i were to lose it.
A minor slip, a mistake, whatever, i will not feel the same again because deep down i do care. Very hard to please am I?

When i said don't treat me so nice, i actually meant i'm scared. im afraid of changes, im afraid to lose the thing that made me believe i had a purpose the next morning. It made me a dysfunctional creepy person. I'm sure i made alot of girls ran away because of this. Honestly, nothing to be proud of here.

Yea, and if you're having a rough day, try looking at a sleeping baby. Suprisingly, it keeps the mind calm.
Works for me .

Dumbstruck

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.

They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages.

It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.

It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love

Stagnant

i follow the religion of Love
a wrong mix of crowd
many-named many flew
all in the nature of Fear

my beloved is three
three yet only one
many things appear in three
which are no more than one

nights i normally sleep
awaken by the silent weep
feelings shouldnt find speed
the more u speed the more u bleed

Short rope of hope
Falls short on grip
my will against my whole
alone against my will

A blessing

I'm infected with the "not-so-keen-2-update-anymore" syndrome.
I have been awfully lazy nowadays and yes you don't have to remind me.
Life's good, at least for me and no complains yet, i hope.

My new found colleagues have been nothing but amazing. Click so well the time is so insignificant. I hope it last for a very long time. M stuck between a fine line between principles and reality. It's really giving me a big headache and I know it's a dead end. I hope something pops up and shed some light to guide a lost soul from walking blindly to a garden of rose. You know those moments when everything feels just right, nothing more nothing less, perfectly time but you know that the outcome will just be another sunset. Distinctively beautiful and can't hold on to.
I'll just sleep with it.

Weekend's gonna be great. M going to attend a friend's wedding of same age. My first time, and can't wait to give my blessings to them. It's also a good time to catch up with friends whom I lost touch with. And due to this, I'll be missing out on the rave happening in KL Tower. M not keen to stretch extra muscle for I'm weak in my knees. I rather be sitting on the patio or sipping juice from Starbucks with my trusty laptop =). Yup I finally own a laptop!! Not a pretty high-end 1, but decent enough to host my Heroes series and camwhoring pics.

If you observe clearly, I've actually lost weight in recent weeks. I managed to shed the tummy due to appetite lost and I'm hoping to gain it back by munching down Italian food. So anyone who's interested for pasta, or pizza, do cal me yea ! I need CHHEEEEESEEEEEEEEE!

I just stared blankly on this screen for mere 5 minutes and nothing seem to come out. Next time, cya

A big shout out to Lee Tze Vern " Happy Birthday Yo!!! Been a great 6 years of friendship , SEe ya real soon!"