Setting sail, yet again.

Time and time again, I constantly remind myself that everyone around me ought to be happy.

From the stranger who thinks you're weird when you exchange friendly gesture, to the salesman that go table to table trying to convince patrons for a small amount of money or perhaps a friend who've just experience a bad day to a family member who just went through a rough patch.

Inevitably, some part of me want them to be happy even if it means sacrificing part of mine. Whether it's an act of a fool, or some might see it as a feat to gain pity ness and compassion.

How you see it is up to you. I can't control how you see me or how you judge me at all. I don't intend to play God either. I just want happiness to spread around me.
If there's a bill billed to me about the things I do that made another person sad, I'm definitely bound to recieve capital punishment for it.

Pleasing yourself is easy, a large pepperoni pizza and a few mugs of beer would do the trick. But pleasing those around you takes more than just a pizza and alcohol. It takes time, sincerity and in the end, it doesn't guarantee success either.

I'm trying to extend my sincere apology but no matter how I look at it, It's never enough.
Words are cheap and the word 'Sorry' is ever so often taken for granted. If i were to kneel down with tears rolling down my cheek, you wouldn't think it's sincere because the damage has already been done.
No matter how I twist and turn or look sideways to it, what's done is done. That's the obvious fact.

We don't need gifts or roses to say we're sorry; maybe just maybe sometimes a hug does help, but still, how long before it happen again, before we repeat ourselves in commiting the apology act over again?

The lesson here is not to repeat the same mistake because once is enough and twice is just making a fool out of myself. My mistake before was running away whenever something bad happen. Then i realize it's just a matter of time before the truth actually catches up with you.
I still have to face it.

Consequently, I stopped running. Because you taught me too.

And here I am, trying to be optimistic, trying not to be a complete fool, telling the truth on a page where everyone can read.
So the truth is, that i find it hard telling you in person. The truth that has been hiding inside of me itching to crawl out from my tonsils and coming out of as words.

I always hope that one day, when i've gathered enough courage to tell you, it would be different, not through some dreadful words on a monitor screen, but somewhat perfectly fit moment like what we see in sappy romantic movies.
Then again, I do not wish to be playing second fiddle, so I've decided to sail away for now.

Great things happened when I least expect it to, and I've not had any tiny thoughts of regret spending every moment with you, not even the slightest. Because for once in many years, I've never felt so belong before. You made it go away in just a breeze. Thank you.

I doubt I can find anyone like you anytime soon, but nevertheless, I'll never stop looking for someone as great as you.

So for now, I hope that we still remain who we are, and who knows,perhaps one day, things would just be slighly different.
You'll always have a place in my heart, my dear friend.

Always.

Spur of the Moment

Every once in a while, right in middle of an ordinary life, when ur life is not getting any better, u tend to look for a spark. A snap of a finger that says "hey, it's alright, that's life"





I wish everything around works that way, just pure simplicity.





As far as I know, what we imagine is a whole load of crap. Life is about digging deep, climbing obstacle, getting emotional turmoil and hoping that one day things would get better. Sooner or later, anyway will do, just better. And if you just might feel lucky, everything falls neatly into places.


I envy it. I desire it.

PS: Just to kill off the curiosity, the tiny thing between the fingers is NOT what you think it is! I'm NOT that DISGUSTING!

Second fiddle

A true champion is one who's not afraid to lose, but dare to dream. Dare to take chances and never leave room for doubts.
But what creates an outstanding champ is that they don't play second string to another champion. They simply take pride of what they do, cream of the crop.

I have dreams to achieve greater heights, live at will, be the pioneer and lead the way. The basic fundamentals of a leader. One who takes control and pilot.
Yes, i wish to have all these. To have people listen while you engineer the whole plan.

I'm afraid that my ego will swallow me up one day. So momentous that i fall short and when i look back to catch up on my past it's too far behind. Too late to salvage what's left.
I'm fearful that I may lose my mind striving for a dying hope. An inconvenient truth of a cat and mouse game.
The chase is about to end, because i know for once it was so clear, that I'm always playing second fiddle to many things in life.

And God forbid me, from hating myself, I have to. A selfish senseless decision that smashes my guarded heart into pieces.

I wanna lead. I wanna be in front. I want to stop chasing. I know eventually, i will get there. It's just a matter of time again. This pact remind me of who am I , where I stand because I know if I would to appear again in a different time or life, it will definitely be different.

Right now, i'm goin to stop playing second fiddle. Right here, I'm goin to guard my heart.

Just a piece of mind i wish to share out.

Old tune

I can picture myself lying on the beach with my sunnies and a cold mug of beer on 1 hand or warm sand sipping through my toes like walking on a stretch of silky pathway. The imagination part alone is enough to make my heart run so wild as if I'm reaching an orgasm.

Maybe not to that intense la, but still...i can't wait !

Only a month and 7 days before my heavenly escapade to Bali and while most of you are stuck in that working chair of yours staring at the flickering monitor from 9 till 5, I will be staring at God made beauty for a whole week. (No I'm not refering to the guy!! u aint no beauty to me, hehehe please dun kick me out from the room)

Anyhow,not trying to make u corporate slaves jealous la, but i really need this break ! and anyone of you who are willing to fork out airtickets to Bali, u are always welcome to join us. There's still room to sleep. *coughtoiletcough*

wait the toilet has jacuzzi ! no way u're getting near there!

I do believe that some songs are strong enough to inspire a person. Some songs that you listen over and over again it somehow stays with you through bleak moments,and some songs u just grow old with.
Songs and people,they are very much alike. They represent people.

Like if you hear a particular song, it reminds you of someone. Of course if it happens to suit the ear, you'll listen till the very last verse, and the obvious is to skip the track if it brings back bad memories.

I have my fair share of songs for people that i care about. Songs that followed me through depths of hell, and songs that never fail to bring back the smile. Maybe i'll compiled them up just for keepsake.

I'm 24 plus and in a few days time,a quarter of a century old. Yea tell me about it. Just stating it first so you guys can stop reminding me that I'm OLD ! I'm AGED! or in better words, im not getting any younger now , I feel the pinch everysingle second.

But, thank God that white hair is still not visible now, but eventually, it WILL pop out. and I'll start losing hair, I'll get wrinkled up, getting more irritated, deafening and start being more attractive. The prime age is kicking in !

Girls just dig older guys, especially matured 1s with white hair and face of an after effect botox injection. I don't know why, but i do hope that someone would just enlighten me on this.

It will be a quiet 1 this year. No budget to spend like a rich brat as holiday is coming soon and i intend to 'accidently' spend all my cash in Bali.

yea, saddening but true.

ciow peeps