Setting sail, yet again.

Time and time again, I constantly remind myself that everyone around me ought to be happy.

From the stranger who thinks you're weird when you exchange friendly gesture, to the salesman that go table to table trying to convince patrons for a small amount of money or perhaps a friend who've just experience a bad day to a family member who just went through a rough patch.

Inevitably, some part of me want them to be happy even if it means sacrificing part of mine. Whether it's an act of a fool, or some might see it as a feat to gain pity ness and compassion.

How you see it is up to you. I can't control how you see me or how you judge me at all. I don't intend to play God either. I just want happiness to spread around me.
If there's a bill billed to me about the things I do that made another person sad, I'm definitely bound to recieve capital punishment for it.

Pleasing yourself is easy, a large pepperoni pizza and a few mugs of beer would do the trick. But pleasing those around you takes more than just a pizza and alcohol. It takes time, sincerity and in the end, it doesn't guarantee success either.

I'm trying to extend my sincere apology but no matter how I look at it, It's never enough.
Words are cheap and the word 'Sorry' is ever so often taken for granted. If i were to kneel down with tears rolling down my cheek, you wouldn't think it's sincere because the damage has already been done.
No matter how I twist and turn or look sideways to it, what's done is done. That's the obvious fact.

We don't need gifts or roses to say we're sorry; maybe just maybe sometimes a hug does help, but still, how long before it happen again, before we repeat ourselves in commiting the apology act over again?

The lesson here is not to repeat the same mistake because once is enough and twice is just making a fool out of myself. My mistake before was running away whenever something bad happen. Then i realize it's just a matter of time before the truth actually catches up with you.
I still have to face it.

Consequently, I stopped running. Because you taught me too.

And here I am, trying to be optimistic, trying not to be a complete fool, telling the truth on a page where everyone can read.
So the truth is, that i find it hard telling you in person. The truth that has been hiding inside of me itching to crawl out from my tonsils and coming out of as words.

I always hope that one day, when i've gathered enough courage to tell you, it would be different, not through some dreadful words on a monitor screen, but somewhat perfectly fit moment like what we see in sappy romantic movies.
Then again, I do not wish to be playing second fiddle, so I've decided to sail away for now.

Great things happened when I least expect it to, and I've not had any tiny thoughts of regret spending every moment with you, not even the slightest. Because for once in many years, I've never felt so belong before. You made it go away in just a breeze. Thank you.

I doubt I can find anyone like you anytime soon, but nevertheless, I'll never stop looking for someone as great as you.

So for now, I hope that we still remain who we are, and who knows,perhaps one day, things would just be slighly different.
You'll always have a place in my heart, my dear friend.

Always.