How can a month evolve a person into a complete stranger to himself?
I hardly know myself and i've forgotten what i pursue in life like i used to. It has been a very turbulence month for me from work to friends and towards someone whom i have affection for.
I knew disaster is bound to hit me one of these days from the procastination act that I have developed since beginning of the month. What's even more pathetic is the fact that only my blogs hear my whines. I'm so fucking introvert it depresses me whenever it pops into my head. I chose to live this way and it's my decision to stay that way.
I badly need a break from reality and jump straigth to a deserted island. Forget everything and start writing on the sand. Or deep into the water and scream as loud as I can. Honestly, I'm not happy at all , and if i'm smiling, it's just a mask.
My mom could see through my fragile face and jsut the other day, asked me whether everything is alright. I lied to her not wanting her to worry about me. She has enough worrying to do then to take care of me. I'm 24 for christsake, i need to sort it out myself. However, I'm not sure where to begin.
Morale has reduced to zero and the enthusiasm remains below par level. For the past few days, i've been a total moron neglecting alot in life which jeopardises my current state. All i can come up with are lame excuses to run away whenever i can. Dont remind me, i feel shitty myself.
Just today, I almost hit rock bottom and was trying real hard to climb back up and forget about the day. Ended up going against my words and commited a sin. Few puffs away and I'm back on my feet. I guess I'll be relying more on it than I used to.
Lucky for me, the night was fruitful with food and booze. It was one of the bosses birthday and we had a bash in the office. Managed to gobble up a few slices of pizza and was constantly hiding myself from being a victim of alcohol. Tried to hide many times, but many times I failed to do so. I wasn't drunk though, just enough to stay concious and drive back home.
There were girls, and it was wild. I stayed low profile but ended up being molested. =.=
Seriously. It was scary.
Then it came clear to me, it would have been better if I spoke with you tonight. It didn't happen but I thought about you throughout the night, where could you possibly be right now, or what you might be doing at that very moment.
Decided to call it a day so i drove home alone with David Tao playing on the background, I couldn't understand a single word he was singing, but it sure is depressing just to hear his voice..
It hit me so clearly then, that I actually do miss you.
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7 comments:
Just to let you know, this is not wake up call.
You know you got your friends by your side, and we also know that no matter how much you say, there are things you have already made up your mind.
Just bear in mind that your have already have the answer in your head. Don't be afraid to look for it. Take the path you see fit, and walk it with your head held high.
Depress and sad all you want. But try to be happy.
ni ai wo hai shi ta....0hhhh
It's just time to 'Wake up, Stand up, Grow up and Move up'.
Nuff said. Unless you want me to say STFU in that as well :)
You are 24 but you are human. It's ok to share some of your burdens with your friends sometimes. It might not help with the problems but at least you don't feel that you are going through it all alone. Sharing is caring... =) Take care...
wei!! getting molested by girls are fun man!!
awww so schweett... u know u have friends that love you, isn't that enough? hehe CHEER UP!!
oak : you've been a very good friend throughout these years of our friendship. I know who to count on when i'm in my darkest period of time. Thanks for your support. ;)
jerry : wo bu ai ni , ohhohh
kensei : im picking myself up. dont worry
wendy : Thanks for listening. IT really helps alot and ill do the same for u anytime ;)take care too k!
max : pervert !
biscuit : i realized that along time ago.. are u one of them? hahah im happier now ! thanks.
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