I-Know-I-Made-You-Think-I-Don't.....

You know that sinking feeling of getting up early in the morning ,dragging urself to work and knwing that there's nothing to look forward to?

Feels like being buried in bertimbun-timbun of shit. Disastrous, demotivated and constantly gazing at the clock watching every tiny tick counts.

Backside itchy, went to Groove Junction yesternight to experience jazz music =). Suprisingly, it was totally unexpected and i left the place with good memories. If you picture it to be a dark cosy environment with candlelight lid on every round table, 0r a place to pour the soul out, think again!

I couldn't believe the community of jazz lovers could be such an overwhelm. Well, maybe i jump into conclusion too quickly there, but seriously, it will blow your mind away. The singing, the musicians are simply amazing. They can just be better than an ordinary rock band, anyfuking time.
Plus, the ladies drool over them -.-

Thanks to 5 love ladies, we get to sit in the jam packed bistro. Thanks again , and u know who u are ;) Blog stalker.. ehehe

I had a splendid evening and it has been ages since i last felt such way. It's a weird addiction in such a manner that i'm so looking forward to the next one. Maybe i'm deprived from the opposite sex for far too long and when something wonderful like this came into the picture, it was too much to resist. There are times where i kept reminding myself that it's too good to be true and feels like a dang good dream.

A dream that i would rather not wake up to. A dream that i would rather live in.

But i know, sooner or later, i will wake up. Back to a place where the only common thing we share is just the sky. And that time comes...

have mercy on me and spare me the tears.

Believing

A day before , for 6 years i was not the man i used to be.
The lingering thoughts of regret kept playing like a broken record.
Not till recently when the weight was lifted and if you were to guess it, it would be her.

So like many years before, i took the initiative to drop a wishful message on her big day and as usual, she would say thanks.

These year however, took a twist.
It made me smile for i know that at least my thoughtful actions ended up somewhere.

I realized that i'm filled with emotions lately, and the very least i know i'm walking on a steady ground and what im actually dealing with. I have needs and the hunger that drives me to achieve this needs are beyond words that i contradict myself most of the time.

The good thing is im opening up now,one thing i find hard to do for a long time. I've been spilling out skeletons in my closet to one person I wish i knew earlier. I know she wont agree with me on this and time isn't the best thing to look forward to.

Everyday, i kept reminding myself how lucky i am to have my family, my bros, my friends and recently that person who made me realise what i've been missing out.

I guess It's never too late to start believing.

Many of u who knew me would know that sometimes i drift away. I drift away from the things i love because i know and learn that nothing is permanent. I try not to get attached to things i love solely because i know i will be deeply scarred if i were to lose it.
A minor slip, a mistake, whatever, i will not feel the same again because deep down i do care. Very hard to please am I?

When i said don't treat me so nice, i actually meant i'm scared. im afraid of changes, im afraid to lose the thing that made me believe i had a purpose the next morning. It made me a dysfunctional creepy person. I'm sure i made alot of girls ran away because of this. Honestly, nothing to be proud of here.

Yea, and if you're having a rough day, try looking at a sleeping baby. Suprisingly, it keeps the mind calm.
Works for me .

Dumbstruck

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.

They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages.

It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.

It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love

Stagnant

i follow the religion of Love
a wrong mix of crowd
many-named many flew
all in the nature of Fear

my beloved is three
three yet only one
many things appear in three
which are no more than one

nights i normally sleep
awaken by the silent weep
feelings shouldnt find speed
the more u speed the more u bleed

Short rope of hope
Falls short on grip
my will against my whole
alone against my will

A blessing

I'm infected with the "not-so-keen-2-update-anymore" syndrome.
I have been awfully lazy nowadays and yes you don't have to remind me.
Life's good, at least for me and no complains yet, i hope.

My new found colleagues have been nothing but amazing. Click so well the time is so insignificant. I hope it last for a very long time. M stuck between a fine line between principles and reality. It's really giving me a big headache and I know it's a dead end. I hope something pops up and shed some light to guide a lost soul from walking blindly to a garden of rose. You know those moments when everything feels just right, nothing more nothing less, perfectly time but you know that the outcome will just be another sunset. Distinctively beautiful and can't hold on to.
I'll just sleep with it.

Weekend's gonna be great. M going to attend a friend's wedding of same age. My first time, and can't wait to give my blessings to them. It's also a good time to catch up with friends whom I lost touch with. And due to this, I'll be missing out on the rave happening in KL Tower. M not keen to stretch extra muscle for I'm weak in my knees. I rather be sitting on the patio or sipping juice from Starbucks with my trusty laptop =). Yup I finally own a laptop!! Not a pretty high-end 1, but decent enough to host my Heroes series and camwhoring pics.

If you observe clearly, I've actually lost weight in recent weeks. I managed to shed the tummy due to appetite lost and I'm hoping to gain it back by munching down Italian food. So anyone who's interested for pasta, or pizza, do cal me yea ! I need CHHEEEEESEEEEEEEEE!

I just stared blankly on this screen for mere 5 minutes and nothing seem to come out. Next time, cya

A big shout out to Lee Tze Vern " Happy Birthday Yo!!! Been a great 6 years of friendship , SEe ya real soon!"

Apologize

We have to at some point in our life

Why not we start now?

So long so wrong.

Do you see cobwebs?
Imaginary, i do. I'm a lazy ass bastard who has given up on writing. Not permanently. You know, just waiting to get back the passion. The one I had before died together when the door was shut, the key dropped in the sea of confussion.
Life's been good so far. Alot of suprises and I seem to like the mundane commitment now. Work's great, no complains yet and the bunch of people in the office are just easy to hang out with.

I had wild nights of insomnia lately and tonight is one of those days where I can't seem to be able to fall asleep. I've watched two sappy romantic flicks back to back hoping that it would bore me to sleep, driven to the wall by an irritating mosquitoe and annoyed with the constant motor noise caused by the air-cond.Somehow, I just couldn't fall into slumber mode. So that's why I've decided to be here.

For a span of two weeks, I have been absorbing quite an amount of both fruitful and not so fruitful events. We all lose our head and snap at people, sometimes, unconditionally and unintentionally without realizing the consequences of such impact. Forgive and forget, that's what we do after such occurance. Morally speaking, to lay hand on another person, what more a female is pathetic. An argument can spark instantaneously when the mind is not in the right state and needless to say there's no law stating the rights and wrongs of being a human being. But understand that we live in a civilize society, and we crosspath with peer pressure. I may not understand what you are going through but as a childhood friend, I understand the feeling of being cornered, neglected and helpless. I've been through those shit in life and it's way much better living in hell. My point is, there's always someone who would sit down and have a cup of coffee with you , drilling down the core of the problem so you don't have to go through it alone. I hope I've send you a clear message of what friendship actually means in words because I know if I would have say it straight to your face, it would only sounded more like rubbish. I hope things work out for you and her.

More to come soon , and if you're feeling 'spongy' KIV. I have alot to share, just very little time.

toodles.


Vips' on the deck with the 'cup' =) .

When we were young.

I just love looking at still photos of the past.

How we can live those days with nothing but joy and fun and no worries.

Especially moments from a birthday party.


Simply priceless.

Not so secretive afterall.

Secrets.

We all have dirty lil secrets that we swore not to tell anyone. Not even in a game of truth or dare will the secrets unconditionally leaked out. We all love to hear them, and we can be persuasive to the point we are willingly to go a mile in obtaining the correct source. Unethical.

Often secrets are told when we are not in the right mind of state or when we want someone to pass it on the another person. It gets lonely when you are just keeping it to yourself and eventually you have the urge to simply slip out of your mouth. Whether we are drunk or during a slumber party. We only tell it to the people we trust and we assume that they will keep it with them. I believe so.
What we won't tell won't hurt. I always believe that. It relates alot to living in denial.

Secrets. You have two ways in looking at it. You can either be damn happy, or damn miserable. The way it is told plays a huge part in getting the message across. Nevertheless , it has to be dealt with. Face the wrath , take the leap , unwind the truth , open the door , whatever it takes.

The amazing thing about secret is the after effect. It no longer becomes a secret. It no longer ties you down and you can start becoming a normal person. It's that simple. No rocket scientist formula behind it.

Some secrets so big it can eat up smaller secrets. Some so strong you can sense it coming before it is told. Some so spontaneous you don't see it coming and some so painful you don't want to even think about it.

I have my fair share of secrets today. The cat is finally out of the bag and there's nothing to do except accepting it. It's depressing at first, but if you actually look at it in a different perspective , it ain't that bad afterall. I'm glad it happened. Especially when the new year is about to usher in. The countless nights of walking pays off decently.

time to pick up the pieces. =)

Happy chinese new year everyone!

One of those days

Tonight was a good night to walk. My cravings for an ordinary Ramli burger is just another side reason. The night is eerily quiet when there are so many thoughts running inside your head. I took baby steps and obviously enjoying my lone moment. I feel safe with the well lid street lights and the constant patrol of our friendly neighbourhood guard. Not that I remembered paying for their service, but the presence is enough to feel secure.

Valentine's coming. It will be another one of those years again. Having said that, I don't remember spending a fortune on gifts, flowers or dinner. Seriously 14th of February is just overrated. The only day that restaurant gets to suck all the juices out of your wallet and the food will eventually taste so bad it's a disgrace to even pay for such service.

I'm not a Valentine kind of person and never will understand the hype surrounding it. Why wait for the only day of the year to show you appreciate that someone when you can do it every single day.

I'm having one of those days again where I have so many things to say but eventually it all evaporate away once I start putting it in words. I hate it.
Pain, that's what I'm feeling at the moment. maybe I like the pain. Maybe I'm wired that way. Because without it , I don't know maybe I just won't feel real.
So I went to the doctor. The doctor who stitched my wound, I like her. She gave me pain killers for the pain. She's also honest and charming in one way. Like any doctors, they wouldn't lie to their patient. She wouldn't too.
Lying. Something we practice ever so often. Not like we want to, but it just slips right through our lips sometimes.
So;
"No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie."

Pain hurts. Lie hurts ; Therefore Lie = Pain

New Career Path

Title says it all. After a third successful interview, I'm officially going to work in Tele Dynamics Sdn Bhd, a subsidary business solution company from Toshiba. I was deceived by the title "Management Trainee" posted by jobstreet. When I turn up on Saturday for the 1st interview, they actually offered a different position as stated. Malu like baboon only when I entered the room.

Lucky or not , I still aced it. The secret of it all, just smile and pretend you know everything. Hahaha

Seriously. just show a pleasant face and hope for the best. Don't show the muka sepuluh sen or muka emo enough already.

Today was my second interview with the CEO of the company , a japanese guy with great vision, Mr.Takahashi Watanabe. I shook his hand, and listen to his kind words of advise about the job scope. Being in the room with the guy who made everything possible is really amazing. Though he still talk with a heavy Japanese accent, his English was not too bad at all. I could understand, most of it.

3 jobs, 3 home runs. Let's see what happen next. Most likely, I'll be staying for a long long time.
Ask me again a year from now =)

Bread Crumbs

The fog so thick my vision was blured
I walk up to your front door
with great hope on one hand
only to be turn away by dissapointment

The next day is an excuse to run away
New environment , new prospect
A brand new beginning
Just what I needed, desperately.

I couldn't sleep these past few days,
I looked at you as the person I could talk to
All I get is a load of static
So severe it's un-saveable

On and off, I look for something inspiring ,
A comfort zone away from dissapointment,
A barrier of white lies,
and choices of word to soothe my soul

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it , all we really want is to be close to somebody.
So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

Farkiew no time

Literally Fucked

Up , Down , Left , right

fucking blogspot pissing me off as well.

ta

Through Glass

OUght to be in your playlist.

Out of reach

That fine fine porcelain,
Displaying gracefully in an antic shop,
The little note written could not be seen from afar,
"For Sale" it says, that answered my curiosity.

The bell made a clear sound of my presence
A young lady stood up behind the counter
Baring a rather familiar face
One I've seen many times, only uncertain where.

I enquire about the priceless piece,
The only one that outshine the others.
The one and only that caught my attention.
I silently told myself that It has to be mine.

A pinch feeling of dissapointment fill the air,
I was told that it belongs to someone,
Someone who already knew the value,
Oh! what a great bargain he's 'bout to get.

Lucky him.

I walked away in despair,
Contemplating on what I've missed out,
I'll just have to look out for another one,
It won't be easy, It never was in the first place.


If only she knew...


how important that porcelain meant to me...

Strange Condition

Running away,
nowhere to go.
Cold shivers running down my spine
only a worn out coat to keep me warm,

I long for
A cup of hot cocoa, and an Amos's cookie
Particularly chocolate chip and pecan , my favourite!
such simple pleasures doesn't come easy these days.

The girl in black
color of my mood
her smile so natural
living me insane

waiting for the last bus
with a quarter on my hand
I wonder how far it will take me
before I can see you once more

things i love
are often shortlived
either fickled mind
or stupidity

whatever it is , wherever I am,
I'm just me

A stranger to all.

Life after Hope

Usually, a good movie is often judge by the ending.
Or how a reader tells if it's a good book by reading the last chapter.

Closure.

To end things in a good note. To move on. The closure in life are often left unnoticed living a huge scar behind , waiting for time to heal the wound and hoping for a miracle that one day go back to where it all started out, the past.

I was diliberately blinded by the fact that it wasn't over, that somehow one day in the tiniest percentage of humanity that I still stand a chance.I guess that's why I still held on to it. I should have seen it coming a long long time ago. Should have clarify my credential and made everything crystal clear and full stop. No turning back.

Not anymore.
I've gathered enough courage to ask what actually happened. I needed to know. And most importantly, I needed to move on. She gave a very logical explanation that we were still young and naive back then and she didn't actually knew what love is until after college. I just told her that some people don't even know what love is right till today; and I think it's so very true.

I felt relieved , partly sad, but mostly relieved that the weight I had in my heart is lifted upon years of holding back my thoughts about the x. I never felt such boost of confidence before in my life. You know how surfacing from water feels? It's great, dealing with your fear , knowing the truth and although it hurts sometime, it's not as bad as keeping it to yourself.

I ask myself , "what's next?"

Swim my boy, just go with the flow.

Spot lights please?

You know how girls go crazy over lengchai male artists.
Oh how they just idolize and adore the good looking ones as if they've seen a God walking on the street.

Even my mom, of all people join the millions who would go googoogaga over Rain the Korean phenomenon.
Not the fanatic type though, luckily.

I still scratch my head sometimes.

So, I was browsing through the internet today,
and I found this website.

It gives hope to ugly people like me.

check out the result.





Super bangga gila babi cannot sleep !!! 70% lookalike wei, dun pray pray.

It just made my day. =)

Now, to tell her that her son resembles her idol,
hmph..... how do I even know where to start.

"Ah ma! Ngo Tak Jor La!!!"?



ps: sorry had to remove the Kelly lookalike. hehe anyhow, i think she should be proud. 96% sial!
wah lau eh

Bubble Talk

Communication.
It's the first thing we really learn in life.
Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say.

Or how to ask for what we really need.
I don't deny having a hard time expressing myself, and the more i keep it to myself, the more its eating up inside of me.

Why is it sometimes it's hard to even say a simple hello.
What more trying to convey in text messages.
Bold, courage is something I don't have and in return, I'm an expert in hiding my own feelings.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about.
Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer.

Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do.

Some things you say because there's no other choice.
Some things you keep to yourself.

And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

Wouldn't it be nice if conversations are made out of comic strips?
Delete , refer back or just edit what we've just said for a better understanding.

Communication, what a funny thing to do.

Unproductive

You cannot imagine how I spent my day today.
It has to be the most UNPRODUCTIVE DAY ever recorded in the working industry.

SEriously.

I just stood in the office with a bunch of open-minded colleagues and start talking about sex. =.=

Sex , sex and more sex.

Not interesting enough? someone had to give me a Condom survey to do. How bout that!

I even managed to bore a few victims with a long spam message of "Boooooooorrrrrriiingggggggg!"

Some went offline straightaway, Some asked me to STFU, and some just didint' even bothered to layan me. So mean the people i mix with . Hehe

I couldn't log in to blogger, and if I did, i would have written the longest post EVER.

As I was talking today, somehow it hit me , that I badly needed a hobby. So I've decided to either do cooking or cycling or prolly both if I have the time.

If you have any contacts regarding a cooking class near Klang Valley, please oh please be a saint and recommend to me because I think the only thing that will piss my mom off is to cook better than her =)

Resolutions

A week old from 2007, I have yet to state my resolutions for the year. =)

Let's see how last year's reso went.

- Grow some meat. Zh'ng my body.
Pass - havent had time to Zhn'g, definitely put on weight. Not that fat la, got mini bonggol only

- Eat more food, without having any complains from my friends.(Eat abit more kena scolding, niabeh)
Fail - still get frequent complains and always in the limelight when i complain hungry. Leave me alone =.=

- Put 30% of my salary into savings and buy properties/car. (I think this 1 cannot lar, see money in bank sure spend ..aiyoh)
Fail - Not enough money for myself, but i do have some savings now...Yay!

- Travel. Definitely want to see the open world. First stop, Australia!
Fail - Furthest I went was Redang =.= Ninabeh. This year i will get out from the country.

- Get a digital camera.
Pass - Got an Ixus 60 =)

- Will not get Wasted again. Will not get wasted again. Will not get wasted again.
Pass - Only wasted once this year. Very good achievement.

- Alcohol is not your friend. Remember that.
Pass - No more drinking for me. Only casual drinks on friend's birthday.

- Dota is only a temporary hobbie. Not a full time activity. REMEMBER that.
Pass - Been months since my last dota game. No more addicted to it

- Learn a new language. Not hamsap language ok.
Fail - Err, totally forgotten about this .

- Get PS3 by Christmas.
Fail - Just launch in Asia and freaking expensive.

- Try to find a new job closer to home. Less Jam, Less Stress, more money.
Pass - Got a new job. Less Jam
Fail - More stress, losing hair and not a very good pay. Two words ; bangla work

- Keep in touch with long lost friends.
Pass - Kept in touch with some Australian friends and been in touch with kindergarden friends. Still alot more to do.

- Get a new gf. ><
Fail - Miserably. hahah Like always

This year's Resolution

1. Visit at least 2 continents or 3 countries
2. Appear in newspaper for all the right reasons.
3. Get a new job that I enjoy doing.
4. Quit smoking and drinking entirely.
5. Be health concious and eat healthier food.
6. Pick up a new hobby
7. Meet a foreign friend.
8. Move out
9. Be less emo-er =)
10. Settle down

I think it's pretty much achievable. Just need to start getting work done. Hope you guys have a great year ahead !

Tandas Awam Revealed.

Have you check out the new public toilet kiosk in KL?


If you happen to be in Bukit Bintang or Lot 10 , do check it out for the sake of checking it out.


Don't worry it's always vacant. AND since people start complaining, they have reduced the price from RM1.20 to RM 0.20 =)


Even when it's cheap, utilizing the facility is another issue. Imagine entering an elevator-like toilet in the middle of the street.


Feeling hot outside? Don't worry, pay 20 cents , get a personalize air-cond!



Everything is motion sensored; the toilet seat, the basin, the soap dispenser, the hand dryer and even the lightings.
Oh and before you plan to take your own sweet time, wanking or thinking about doing quickie with ur honeybunny, DON'T ,because there is a 15 minutes time limit.

God knows what happen after the 15 minutes is up.

It's pretty neat if you ask me. Worth a try if you have really nothing better to do like me. BUT beware, because there is a big FLAW with this lovely toilet of ours. =)



Got nice mirror to cam whore sommore. Wah seh !




I wasn't wearing any pants when I took this picture.

Middle of nowhere

I'm sitting on the ledge waiting for the time to fly
People walked pass a guy with bandage on his right arm;sprained from excessive carrying of boxes.
The weather is rather humid today and thanks to the sound/air pollution, it adds up to the city-like feeling.
I have yet to bump into anyone I know. Should I be thankful or does that make me an anti-social person?
Strangers smile at me. I return the gratitude. Why shouldn't I?

I'm having my break now in 1901. Soon,someone will join me for a hotdog meal. The tantalizing taste of New York Chicken never fail to satisfy my tummy.

In front of me is an old lady begging for a decent meal. Her source of pityness comes from two innocent children sleeping by the walkway. One barely a year old and the second seems like a healthy 3 year old who's supposed to be having fun with kids his age. Not where he is now.

I pity them.

I have a few fears that haunt the living shit out of me eversince I was a child.
One of them is balloon.
I don't know why I'm very afraid of balloons. Burst balloon especially. Phobia perhaps? I had to deal with my fear today as I was the one pumping and distributing the balloons to my sandwich men. Everyone wants a helium balloon. I can make a fortune selling balloons to them.
Since it was free, you see children , teenagers , parents and even old lady came and ask balloon from me.

I was happy. I want to be a balloon man if there is any chance again. I'm happy being the balloon man =)

Happy new year everyone !

Some things are better left untouched.

Today is just another pictorial day. There I was in the middle of the crowd , just waiting for people to pass me by. I had shoulders rubbing against mine. Noises from cars I chouldn't careless. Different walks of life in front of me and none of them knew me. It is great to be foreign, sometimes.

So I just stood there. And froze in time.



Maybe I ought to move. Nibble my way out from the pack of people. But why do it if everything around you seems perfectly in place.

The last chapter

When you start counting the hours , nothing can be good anymore
Let alone a mundane 9 to 5 on the clock, or if the pay is lucrative.
If you don't feel belong anymore that's where the trouble starts.

I know I had been bitching about my current company in numerous occasions I couldn't recall,
whine so much about the management or how sucky it has become till everyone starts to yawn,
or even complaining about regrets that shouldn't have been made in the first place.

2006 is ending in a couple of days, and it has always been the same old years that has gone by previously. Just a normal routine of new resolutions, and reflection of what I have accomplished for the past 12 months.

I have to say, this year is remarkably productive if I were to put the whole picture together. Not a grand of stories worthy enough for a book or even something to be proud of, but still, just by looking back at specific months, somehow there are tiny fragments of memory that are worth jotting down on my buku tiga lima.

Just today I had a new task and was station in the heart of Bukit Bintang for some Digi roadshow. No, it's not like those yellow sperm suit you catch on TV, but similiar to it.
I am to escort a group of 'sandwich' guys/gals to parade around the golden triangle, and mind you, it ain't easy. My legs are killing me and I started sweating like a pig after just a couple of minutes under the scorching sun.

It's 'fun'. Really!. But knowing the fact that I have to work through New Year is not something you would want to remind me. I'll fuckin burn your house! and rip your teddy bear !
I will !
I'm evil !

Seriously. I'm like the worse paid bangla ever.

*sigh*

Recently, I realise that I have a very very veryyyy huge flaw hidden somewhere within me. I was reading Robert Peltzer's "a teenager's journey" where he talks about how bad his childhood was, and how he endured abusive remarks, and constantly being tormented from his mom. He couldn't let go of his past and live his teenage life doing all the wrong things that one could possibly imagine; drugs, alcohol and girls. He couldn't move on with his life. No matter how hard he tried to forget about the spiritual torture his mom left him, he couldn't be free. He had a lifetime scar, just like me. Only mine was different from his.

It's kind of hard to explain right now because everything is still very much vivid. A simple text goes a long way if you still have part of it in your heart. I really really need to move on and what makes me sad is I thought I did. The difference is I'm much stronger now, emotionally.

I definitely need a closure and I'm confident I'll get it soon.

The outcome, I dare not imagine.

25th December

Snowflakes,
inches of snow on the walkway,
Carolling,
Cookies and warm milk,
Gifts under the x-mas tree,
Santa's magical moment,
Elves and reindeer,
melting snowman,
couple kissing under the mistletoe,

sights of christmas i wish to see every year.

Merry Christmas Everyone ! =)

First attempt on Haiku

My first haiku
Begins with bang
Ends with dang?

Friday was ecstatic
Ferry Corsten is God
Loud! Electronic! Ferocious!

His hard-earn autograph
on a lousy printed leaflet
Frame it up or Ebay?

Saturday in Finnegan's
celebrated Kit's birthday
night of drinks, dart and drama

All thing ends well,
So we thought it would,
How wrong.

No casualties,
for a free flow evening,
only one broken heart

Sunday morning in bed
Just staring at the ceiling
waiting for gold to drop.

I got a twitch
on my right eyebrow
someone's stabbing me

I spend a fortune
I don't recall
on food perhaps.

blurry and in daze
stuck between spaces
he misses her so.

writing haiku in office,
getting ridiculous
time to jump the boat

Haiku haiku haiku

Hokkien lessons

I can't stop laughing watching this.

Something to cheer the office mood =)





not funny i chop !

hehe

My Diamond Baby

No, I'm not giving out diamonds. Diamond is not my baby either.

As I remembered,mind game that my brains went cuckoo was GodTower,

then when I got stucked at question 40-ish, i stopped playing.

Not till today, when I stumble upon My Diamond Baby.

I would have been fired today if caught, because I was practically playing this game the whole day

and I haven't fucking finish it yet.

Damn susah ok.

Don't blame me if you feel like throwing ur keyboard and mouse.

My kind of night

Another warm, windless night. Everyone seems to be away.
I was too bored at home , I went for a walk.
As usual, the neighbourhood was quiet as a soul.
The only noise I hear was my own footsteps.
My light took two minutes and 45 seconds to be exact.
Evaporated together with the time i intend to kill.
My shadow blends well with the trees,
It gave me the sense that I wasn't alone.
A lost man stopped to ask for directions.
I directed him hoping he'll reach safely.
Look to the skies, there wasn't any stars,
Only clouds that hid the moon so shy.
A frog lay still on an unfamiliar ground,
My leg was inches away from ending its life.
It never move, it never jump.
What a brave green frog, I said to myself.
I wish I had a dog to walk with me,
Just like the one I saw that day.
Call me mad, call me sad.
At least I had my mango with me.

Spellbound

"To him she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people,
that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed
as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones,
why no one else's heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils,
why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid,
the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter.
He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character,
but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell- Gabriel Garcia Marquez "

The last month

The growing intense politics in my company is driving me up the wall. The bosses just wouldn't listen to what the subordinates have to say. He just side the wrong side all the time and it's jeopardizing the mood and the morale.
There is not a single doubt in my mind that if I have a chance to drill some sense into his brain, I would do it, IMMEDIATELY.
I'm contented but will definitely move on if better opportunity arises. Heck, the company still owes me 5 off days. I just hate the undecisive decisions and last minute calls.

Getting on is the last month of the year. We are in the month of December and Christmas is just around the corner ! What the heck happened to the last 11 months? It's a shame that no major celebration is going to take place this year. Everyone has their own plans way earlier before we can decide on a small party. Just too bad.

Make a date this middle of the month with non other than the God of Trance; Ferry Corsten !! I'll be going there , 101% guarantee. His sets are bound to lift the mood. =) Remember, don't get wasted before he plays. Been awhile since my last clubbing scene, but this is a cannot miss event.


Tommorow is going to be bulat's birthday, so I'm going to wish him earlier here;

Happy Birthday Shannon Lung !!

keep on beroxxing !

ps: pictures will be up after QC =)

Sentence

The evening spells excitement
Been awhile since her radiance light the night
She smells like angels ought to smell
I fire up a cigarette and hands her mine tasting her lips on it
and suddenly my heart's pounding so loud I can't hear anything else
All the things I see in your eyes, the perfect eyes
So calm and innocent it sparkles like stars in a clear bright sky
She's soft and warm and almost weightless
Her perfume is sweet promise that brings tears to my eyes
I wanted to tell her that everything will be alright
That I'll save her from whatever she's scared of and take her far far away
Finally,still pictures of her eases my sleep
I wouldn't wanna Imagine what the real thing could do
I'm too dumb to put the whole picture together yet, but
whatever she said made a heartache; her current stand and persuade
The commas and word means nothing without the fullstop.
I'm certain for sure now that I'll wait for the next sentence to start

Gemini Man

A man in this Zodiac has a thin long and proportional face.
He has a high forehead and very cleaver.
He looks like he can not stand or sit still, a very fast person.
His nose is just right in size, thin lips, talk fast and very talkative.
He can think faster than he talks, but once he start talking, he will talk non stop as if god has gifted him with that special talk machine mouth.
He likes to cut his hair short and he is very athletic.
He is a tall, slim and every movement of his is "Fast" or nearly call "Hyperactive".
He has a long fingers and always tapping on table or moving his finger as if he is trying to grab something.
He is the type who will write or scribble on paper, he never stay still.
His hair always well comb or neat.
He will spent a long time to comb his hair.
He will keep his manicure and pedicure clean.
He is a well dress and clean guy, so if you like cleanliness, you will love him.
He will keep all his cloth in big closet, and never throw away even shirts he never wear any more, but yet he still keep buying new cloths and make sure he is in style.
He knows how to dress well even with a low budget.
He get bored easily with his favorite cloths , cologne.
He is very picky, so soap and his cologne even have to be in the same trend or same scent.
If you date this kind of guy, you might think you are dating 2 guys, you will have to guess his feeling and emotion.
Is he doing thing because it is a duty, or is it because he wants to?
He change his mind as fast as he change a new pairs of shoes.
He can pick up a book and roughly read through and understand it's contents, so if you see a Gemini man who reads the whole book, then he must be influenced by other Zodiac.
He hate to set fix schedule, and dislike a boring same routine job.
He could hardly be on time, and can only keep time if it is complete important and necessary.
He does not come late because he forgets, but because he always find other attractions along the way.
He likes to act opposite to what he wants to do.
He is a very good speaker and make a very good politician.
He can easily persuade other people and well presented himself in public, a real charmer.
If he is a writer, he will write the best seller.
He always search for truth and constantly study himself.
He never satisfy about his fame, his reputation or money, because he thinks he deserved more. He will keep searching even he is not sure what is his ultimate satisfaction.
Woman in love normally wants to feel secure and stable, but if you fall in love with this guy be prepare to be alone.
He will come to see you when he feels like it.
He won't even know how he spent his days everyday, so adjust yourself if you love him.
Dating him is like dating 2 guys, so today he can tell you how much he loves you, but tomorrow he might call you to cancel your date.
When he upsets, he could tell you he hate your dress, even it is the same dress he used to tell you make you look very sexy.
Do not ask him why he is that's way for he won't have any explanations too.
When he is back to normal mood, he will take you out again and forget what just happened.
You can not expect him to be the same person now, and forever.
His changes will depend on you, for better or for worst.
If you like to take risk and dare for challenges, you will get along with him fine.
He keeps his emotional secretly as if hiding it, so you will not be able to see if he crazy in love with you, or does not give a damn at all, but be calm and patient.
He will never leave you if he thinks you are a puzzle, then he will spent times solving this puzzle.

Hmm, at least i'm human =)

Have a nice day !

A night to remember

It's always nice to deep into the pool and just float, regardless of when and purpose.
Yesterday night was simply amazing. It was Max's birthday and for the first time in many months, I enjoyed myself.
The last minute plan almost ruin the night,but luckily I made it in time to catch the guys before they headed out. I drove through jungle and heaps of road till we arrived to Paula's apartment. I must say, everyone was surprised when the place we were gonna chill was beside the pool.

The guys brought along some food and of course booze.

After getting our stomach stuffed with food, JD and I couldn't decide whether should we jump into the pool or not. Honestly, I wasn't prepared but thank goodness for the football shorts. JD made his presence noticed and went in first. I followed on after a couple of COKE and chicken wings =) .
I tell you, swimming in the middle of the night really shrink the balls out of you. It was damn freaking cold ok. Mahai. Really sok tan until cannot sok.

Paula was kind enough to bring us towel from her apartment and we managed to persuade her to the pool too. I think She's one happening cool chick at her age.

The turn off point was when a residence shouted "Do you know what time is it? It's 3 am and you guys are swimming !"

Ahaha, luckily it was a human who was shouting, not some white being with long hair standing on the edge of the hill. Apparently, the place was haunted , but who cares anyway.
In the end, we packed up and ran to the cars as if we were fleeing from a crime scene. No evidence was left behind except for ciggerete butts and chicken bones. =)

All in,it was a night to remember. This is 1 thing that I will always remember.

Happy 21st Birthday Maximilius Abbas Wan ! and stop hacking my multiply MOFO!

Tip tap tip tap

I'm bored. Are You?
If yes,feel me.





don't say i didn't warn you.

Something about the truth

Here I am half past three looking at the screen not knowing what to write.
My mind is rather empty from the hectic schedule and the morning shower awakens my urge to pen an entry.
A week has gone , a collection of thoughts linger in my already fickle mind. The harder I try to forget , the deeper it gets into the back of my head.
I've not been in this stage in a very long time, needless to say I'm contented to move. Time is the only reason I can give to start making pace again. To walk once more.

I sat in the park today, looking at children passing through mazes , swinging their way to joy and running off happily to their guardian. They looked happy. Was I once like that? I hardly could recall.
Don't get me wrong, I love my childhood. Eventhough it's the faintest of my memories, but sweet ones still lives inside me. I remembered how I almost fell to my death , scratched in the face leaving a clear scar and perhaps being caught stealing money just to buy slurpee from 7-eleven. Haha, that wasn't sweet , was it.

I had sweet ones, really. Too many to bore anyone =)
I want to be a kid again. Just for a day. I want to eat cotton candy and waste my time in the park. Or play hide and seek and never be caught. Or tell lies and still look innocent ! Or get small little pecks from strangers and have no clue why they even do it in the first place ;) . I just want to feel young again and never grow up!

24 years down the road . Amazing how it just flashes pass your very eyes. Am not enjoying every single moment of it. Should have had in the beginning and not thinking about the regrets.
Funny thing is, I'm still learning how to live. I guess something never ends till your last breath.
I wonder whether as the generation change, will life be complicated as well? I'm sure our parents have not thought about the future when they were our age. Or have they , if not we would'nt be around in the first place. =)

I believe we live in a world where 24 hours is never enough. Never enough to do anything of any interest. Especially sleeping. I have come to my sense that everything needs to be in a balance, like the nuts between the legs or the pillar that holds a building . Without balance, it will just collapse and drag you down together with the earth. Without balance, we just live in a world of selfishness and end up being a lonely sadistic chap. I'll start my balancing soon. And just wait what's coming ahead of me !

If life was a person, I'll say "bring it on mofo !"




james bond rox =)

Chasing you

I believe that sweet memories stays in you forever, and bitter ones eventually fades away.
I believe some things are made to last, and some just dissapears at the shortest of time.
I couldn't be bothered about the future because what awaits ahead is pretty scary. By the time you know it, life's too short you won't even know it's coming.

Someone told me chasing girl is like chasing cars, you wouldn't know what to do when you really have one. I presume part of it is true.

How I feel right now doesn't matter anymore because the distance kept us away. Those 3 words I couldn't say is going to die in me. The closest I've ever been is sitting next to you in movies. All that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes, they're all that I can see.
It would be a lie if I said I stopped thinking about you, because I do think about you whenever I'm alone. If I lay here, would you lie with me and forget the world?

Very late post, I'm so sleepy i don't know what I'm writing, haha . Italic phrase is taken from chasing cars by snow patrol. Really a lovely song.


and the long awaited pics are here !! Finally =) sorry too busy la

Bangla at work

Yay, I'm in the exact same spot where I was sitting on Sunday. In A Bloody Cyber CAFE in Sungai WANG !!! Woohoooo! fucking lame rite? haha

It's raining and I've done visiting outlets. And don't even think about asking me to walk around this lala-infested complex because I've already visited every nook and corner there is. Sien until can see flies flying around my cap.

Really la !

Do banglas have offdays when they work? I'm sure they do. Prolly once a week? If the answer is yes, then I admit I'm in a state where I'm worse than them. Event EVENT EVENT, Killing my Sense ! Yay it rhymes .

I've worked 12 days now without any off days. And thinking back about makes me a complete fool. Why am i so hardworking ?!! Why did i not take any MC ?!! why why why fucking hell, I'm all drained up . Tank emptying real soon.

I wanna go holiday! So badly. I just imagine myself on an island with a glass of Malibu. Was contemplating about it for quite some time already, and just yesterday there's this huge sign:

"Phuket + Pattaya = RM899 6 days 5 nights"

WHOA ! Is this godsend?

I think it is ! hahaha now the question is should I or should I not ?

So tempting sial! Can pay by credit card mah ! enjoy first, suffer later. haha

See you guys soon, running out of credit

and

Happy birthday Julian Edwin Matthew... You rox ! not

The days are gone

Sorry for the lack of updates, been pretty occupied with work and new projects.

Too many things has happened within a week or so and there were things i never thought of doing and time seems to be out of reach , constantly going too fast i hardly could catch up with.

Friends who came into my life and friends whom i no longer knew. Friends who treat u as brothers, close friends who seems to be drifting apart. I felt that the circle of friends that I hang out with are slowly stepping out 1 by 1 to make new smaller circles. It may still be connected in 1 way with your circle but things just ain't the way it used to be.

Is that part of moving on? We used to complain about the lack of 'spice' in our life and seems like everyone dig deep to find the spices and forgot about the 'pot' . Ahahah what rubbish analogy.
Anyhow, It's not a bad thing, and I'm not complaining either, it's ur life anyway. AND I'm not going to be a hero or play GOD to make everything back to normal but I do hope that our frequent yumcha session and meeting up are not limited to just birthday parties and clubbing. =/
It can be lonely sometimes, but who am i to complain?

Few days back ago in SS15, i had an incident with mother fucking snatch thief who seems to terrorise our peaceful neighbourhood nowdays. It began after my training in Streamy X outlet near SJMC. It was roughly around 8pm and the streets wasn't well lid. So, my colleague who happens to walk across to my car while talking on the phone was the victim here. She felt suspicious because there was a Malay guy with helmet walking on the road but the motor was nowhere to be seen. So we were half a feet away from my car and suddenly this guy tried to grab her sling back and handphone. She screamed and held my arm, and luckily she was close to me. I chased that fucker and got hold of his sling bag assuming that it was my colleague's. Dragged him down and i got pulled down to the ground as well. A few feet away was his mother fucking friend who was waiting on the bike tryin to get a quick escape. He got out from his bike and tried to kick me. I was on the ground and tried to kick him so that he will stay away from me. The fucker who went down with me tried to throw punches at me. I stood up and demanded the bag from them. They shouted they didn't take anything from my colleague. It was bad. Luckily there was a Kenari driving past and it stop knowing what had happen. I took down the number plate "WDC 3459". They sped off with the half ruin motorbike. It was damaged because the guy on the bike dropped his bike while trying to save his friend. This fucker tried to fool people by removing the number '3' on the bike, so if anyone tried to take their license plate would only see 3 numbers instead of 4.

It happened really quick, and who would have thought that this thing will happen ? Noone was hurt, nothing was taken, that's a good thing. But the fuckers were gone. Just be alert and be realy really careful whenever you walk on the road. You never know what might hit you next. My colleague was left traumatised by the incident, but the main thing is , she's ok.
This fuckers who commit such despicable act shall rot and burn in hell. We ain't save anymore ! Police corrupted, government siding the wrong side. Time to buy a boat and escape to an island !
Anyone with me??? Guess not.

Muddy water

Yay I'm back from a brief vacation in PD and it was really nice. Could have been better but I'm still satisfied with the presence of non-stop fun and excitement =)

Although at times, i seem to isolate myself from the crowd and for you who didnt notice and did, I'm really sorry. I used to be a bubbly chap during trip and making silly jokes but this one was different i suppose. It wasn't intentional I swear, and I didn't made my silence unnoticed.

I was baffled by the truth of being where i am right now. I'm incapable of making decisions and like many times, i try to get untangled from this web of illusion. Who am I kidding anyway, to fall in love again?

I was browsing through my list on MSN and there was this quote by a friend which really hit me.

"If holding on is as hard as letting go, which would you choose?"

Honestly i will choose to hold on. Because no matter how hard it has turn to, it's always harder for her, and all you can do is hope one day she'll realise your sincerity. By holding on means you'll stick with her through thick and thin, ignoring the negative points and accepting who she is. I presume, that's the least you can do to make someone happy.

Continuosly thinking about it, i get vivid pictures of you in my head and having that tiny moment was enough to force a smile on my face. I'm not a fortune teller who can predicts the future, or a mind reader who can encrypt a person's mind, I'm just an ordinary boy who falls for a girl and not knowing what to do.

I never made my intentions clear and I believe some things are better left unsaid. I'll just wait for the rain to come and wash away my pain. We live in a country where rain do come very often, so I guess it's ok to sulk once in a while. If it doesn't rain, don't worry, I'll sleep it off and wake up to a better morning ;) I hope.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

Blurry

The ever insecure mind has struck again.
Stuck between choices which was not meant to be in the first place.
Deciding whether to move abroad or to stay afloat
Hoping to still be in one piece when i walk out from this mess.

Sometimes I hate the me in me.
I never had the guts to be strong
Slowly it eats up my confidence
and buries my face in a six feet hole.

----------------------------------

A few days more till my escapade
My only time alone in nature's best gift

The beach !

I look forward to the sunset
The sinking feeling between the sands
and not the
The polluted sea water
or
The disguise breeze covered in haze

I hope it's gonna be a fine fine evening. Clear skies and good company.

A perfect match, a perfect getaway !

Intuition

I believe movies are made in such a way that it leaves a footprint in your heart. Some movies can make an impact so huge it changes a person's perception towards life.

Just the other day, i finally managed to watch "The break-up" and i'm no different from every other person who watched it, I actually hoped for a happy ending. Boy, i was so wrong.

That show made me realize there is no guarantee in this world. There's no such thing as a perfect couple or match made in heaven. It's hard to believe coming from a person who believes in love at first sight, but the reality is a harsh thing to deal with.

Who wouldn't one to have a soul mate to live happily ever after with, but only a handful succeeded in finding them. You can't basically look for them in the corner of the streets or strangers whom sat next to you during your train ride home.

MAybe love just come knocking on your door when you least expect it to be. And maybe it's up to you to make the best our of it? Who knows, it's just another worthless theory.

As for me, I'm not sure where to stand right now. Whether to believe or not to believe, because the only thing that makes me believe is you.

Buses

I was granted wings when i barely knew how to walk.

Decided to keep my wings and walk instead...

I didnt knew where I was going but it was indeed a long road. Not complaining at all cos somehow I enjoy the moment alone.

Along the way, there were nice samaritans who stopped and ask whether i needed a lift. I decline gladly because it wasn't time yet.

Everything looks foreign when you have noone to share it with.

So I finally i decided to stop and wait for the right bus to come along. Fortunately, it didn't took long and the bus i boarded was what I had dreamt off all the time.

Comfy, secure, relaxed and best of all, it was going the right direction. Needless to say, it was one of the time of my life. My legs are worned out and i badly need something to rely on to take me further.

Whilst I was in the bus, it went through seasons of rain and sunlight, been through bumpy roads and long winding pathways.

Just as I began to feel attached to it, the bus driver decided to drop me off. I was devastated because i knew i had to walk again. Wasn't given any valid reason, so I was left hanging.

Once again, I was left to use my tired legs to continue my search. For 5 long years, I've never once boarded another bus again because I knew, it will never be the same bus that I've been on before.

I was wrong. I saw the same bus that i boarded before right in front of my eyes and didnt flag it down.

I began my chase. and thankfully the bus stopped and pick me up. I sat down on the chair and began to feel at ease. Somewhat feeling that I've experienced before. The ambience and interior looks the same like it has never changed since i last recall.

Then it hit me, it's a completely different bus but the exact resemblence to the previous 1.
I smiled and doze off, hoping that it will bring me to where I'm supposed to be.

Been awhile...

Great to know that things are slowly falling into thier respective places. I'm so glad that the turbulence days are finally coming to an end. At least for momentarily.

Job is good, could have been worse. I've learned to live with it and it makes me a stronger person. Though, i'm not staying for long cos i don't enjoy what I'm doing. Especially when people screw u up at the very last minute and it wasn't entirely your fault. It get's depressing when you actually think of the nature of the work.

JAck the devil is finally back from the land of sheeps. Weeee! I sense much sins are on their way >;)
I am guilt-ridden from my previous antics of living in the shadow of alcohol weekly. So it's been awhile since my last sip and it starts to pay off cos i have more money for food ! Haha

Talking about food, the last time I weighed myself was back in April and back then it was 63 kg.
Now, i dare not step foot on the weighing machine again because ever since i found out that I am 7kg heavier, i wonder where did all the food add up to?? I don't look plump thank god for that, but the fact that every night of pounding on to supper and the lack of exercise really creeps me out of what i may become in the future. I don't want to be called a fatty =(

And Hell no i'm cutting down on food. I'll just continue eating till I realize that I don't have a neck,then I'll start applying for gym >.<

It was mid-autumn festival yesterday, and I somehow did something different compare to the previous years. Everyone deserves to celebrate it despite the heavy workload of assignments =)
Besides, it's the only day that you can actually lid a lantern and walk on the street without being catch by police . hehe

At the end of the day, I'm glad it brought smile to your face.

Who needs the moon when you can see someone else smiling? =)

Wake me up when September ends.

How can a month evolve a person into a complete stranger to himself?
I hardly know myself and i've forgotten what i pursue in life like i used to. It has been a very turbulence month for me from work to friends and towards someone whom i have affection for.

I knew disaster is bound to hit me one of these days from the procastination act that I have developed since beginning of the month. What's even more pathetic is the fact that only my blogs hear my whines. I'm so fucking introvert it depresses me whenever it pops into my head. I chose to live this way and it's my decision to stay that way.

I badly need a break from reality and jump straigth to a deserted island. Forget everything and start writing on the sand. Or deep into the water and scream as loud as I can. Honestly, I'm not happy at all , and if i'm smiling, it's just a mask.

My mom could see through my fragile face and jsut the other day, asked me whether everything is alright. I lied to her not wanting her to worry about me. She has enough worrying to do then to take care of me. I'm 24 for christsake, i need to sort it out myself. However, I'm not sure where to begin.

Morale has reduced to zero and the enthusiasm remains below par level. For the past few days, i've been a total moron neglecting alot in life which jeopardises my current state. All i can come up with are lame excuses to run away whenever i can. Dont remind me, i feel shitty myself.

Just today, I almost hit rock bottom and was trying real hard to climb back up and forget about the day. Ended up going against my words and commited a sin. Few puffs away and I'm back on my feet. I guess I'll be relying more on it than I used to.

Lucky for me, the night was fruitful with food and booze. It was one of the bosses birthday and we had a bash in the office. Managed to gobble up a few slices of pizza and was constantly hiding myself from being a victim of alcohol. Tried to hide many times, but many times I failed to do so. I wasn't drunk though, just enough to stay concious and drive back home.

There were girls, and it was wild. I stayed low profile but ended up being molested. =.=
Seriously. It was scary.

Then it came clear to me, it would have been better if I spoke with you tonight. It didn't happen but I thought about you throughout the night, where could you possibly be right now, or what you might be doing at that very moment.

Decided to call it a day so i drove home alone with David Tao playing on the background, I couldn't understand a single word he was singing, but it sure is depressing just to hear his voice..

It hit me so clearly then, that I actually do miss you.

Putra Jaya

Ever wonder what happen to your moolah from taxes? Part of it went to feed our beloved king and most of it went on to build roads .

I was driving in Putrajaya just yesterday ,trying to look for Carrefour but ended up getting lost in a land where state of the art buildings are built. One word, amazing !
If you are looking for really nice designs from buildings, putrajaya is the place. It really gives u the feeling that you are already in the future. The roads are so wide, it puts our highway to shame. The solar street lights blends in with its unique design. And guess what,there wasn't any rubbish anywhere on the road !

If you add concept cars into the picture, you'll get a taste of what future look like. However, your joy will only be shortlived, because during my journey, i could not spot a single chinese and indian soul walking or driving on the road. It creeps me out! Prolly hiding at home counting the chickens? Who knows.

Nevertheless, its a great place to stay if you are willing to give up entertainment and don't mind paying for tolls. In exchange, you'll get a peace and quiet home, away from pollution and traffic jams.

That's how i spend part of my Sunday. Getting lost =)

A happy post?

I wanted to be among those lucky people who found their soul mates, but being there just seem impossible right now.
And I thought the journey has begin, until it hit me that i'm not even close to the surface.
Do I step foot into the calm water and wait for it to ripple? I have doubts about going deep, for I may not know what's beneath the tempting water.

I walk alone sometimes, to the park nearby my house, or to the nearest burger stall just to satisfy my craving. Yea, I'm seriously out of my mind , alone outside in the neighbourhood , on foot in the dark and exposing myself to stray dogs and orang minyak. I needed time alone , so this is what I normally do when the sky turns dark and when i can't sleep. =)

I walk !

Crazy as it seems, somehow it calms my day and resets my tired mind. I don't carry my phone around , only few bucks enough for my burger and drinks in 7-eleven and not forgetting my ID of course. I live a very boring life now, revolves around work , friends, sleep, yumcha and looking forward to the weekend. Nothing spectacular to cheer about. Adding to the agenda is my will to finally stop smoking and booze. Occasionally drinking , maybe la, but right now, I'm back to second hand smoke.

Honestly, no apparent reason at all. Just feel like doing it =)
So far so good i guess.

I can feel the breeze coming through the window right now, so gentle and soothing, like someone breathing next to your skin. Ok this is irrelevant.

Weekend is nearby , and I hope it would be great ! Looking forward to it since my last break. I smell chillis ! =) IS the plan still on?

I wonder again.

Clear conscience!

So i made it through the weekend holding my thoughts to myself.

All i hear is echo bouncing back to me, random whispers buzzing my ear and still images running wildly in my mind. I never get the overall picture though, only blurry most of the time. Maybe I'm just being paranoia, who knows?

=)

I know loneliness is eating me up when I picture myself together with you on a beach and only to realize that it was only a dream.

I wish i could gather enough courage to tell you how i felt about you, especially when you just stood next to me and there's nothing I can do.

The times when you felt that your world is crumbling down because the person you love gave you up, but you didn't realize that there was another person who would give anything just to have that chance.

Why do you set a benchmark and let his world revolves around yours when all he did was break your heart?

You shut your heart and seal it tight as if he's the only one who has the permission to open it.

Sincerity has no limit and I'll keep pouring it to you, hoping one day you will finally pick it up and mend your broken heart.

Let me know, when I can stop chasing your shadows and start walking with you.

For I'll wait the day, when falling in love with you shows no fear of vulnerability but gives you the strength to move on together.




ps: i will post a happy entry next ok =) promise!

Trip through you

I am so tired
Bone-scratched and empty too
Always, I have waited but I've
Never known such wonder
And then you come and touch my face
Then you come convince me I'm safe

I trip through you.

Misery?

How would you know if you had sway from course of nature?

Diversified from the path that you planned to walk and into an abyss.

Knowing that what awaits you from the tiny fraction of light would not be what you were actually expecting.

and the fear of making the next step might ignite a bleak future.

The only thing i'm holding tightly on is hope.

Although hope is merely a word to comfort souls who are lost, i'm still clinging to it for I know it will lead me out from this misery.

what misery you say?

Walking alone in the valley of shadow of death.

KaCheeng !

I'm crapping , ignore this post .

Surviving !

I'm still standing !
I gotta reward myself for going through a week of gruesome working hours and constant away from office to be stucked in traffic jams around KL and still found it bearable to work.

Yippee ! in the process, i had a rift with 1 of the directors and fell sick the following day.

Truthfully speaking, I'm not entirely happy with everything ! I just don't know how to explain in detail what's really bothering me. It's like hanging on a tight rope and not knowing whether to move forward or go back to where you begin and realizing that any wrong turn u make, u'll end up falling into a pit.

I'm completely hopeless when it comes to making decisions.

In the midst of being occupied by workload and stressful environment, i think it's nice to receive
short smses on your whereabouts. It just made you feel good. Dont you think so?

And since then, I have always looked forward in seeing you , and somehow I did.

You gave me a sense of calmness and lifted the burden off my shoulder.

It keeps playing in my head, after sending you home, when will i get to see you again.

A bad twist of friendship.

It's amazing how friendship take a twist when misunderstanding pops up from nowhere

Honestly speaking, I have not a god damn clue what went wrong but somehow, when I came online i was left with an offline note asking me to delete photos in friendster and so on. Hmm clueless ??? Tell ME about it.

Is minding my own business a crime nowadays? I wonder..

Speaking about possesive boyfriend, geez, I've seen the worse today. Thanks for the eye opener.
And girl, it's a shame that this has to end,and I won't wreck your relationship with your bf. I never intended to anyway in the first place. If i did offend you in anyway or made it hard for you, I'm really sorry.

Life goes on, and I'm already in a mess right now with work. These will be the least of my problems. =)

Good luck to you and your future undertakings. Is dropping by a message on your birthday prohibited too? I hope not. Too hard to resist as it falls the same date as mine.

See ya.

Transition

It's Sunday night, I'm not somewhere near my usual hangout place. Stuck with no internet connection and relying on just a pen and paper to kill time.

Third day of long working hours already felt like 3 months of immense pressure. I'm drifting away into something I wasn't expecting. Never expected to be such a rough ride going through all these, from client's complain to travelling aimlessly and getting lost , dealing with promoters mood swing, being ffked by them at the very last minute and finding a replacement at the same time. Too much to bear if you look at it.

Welcome to the real event world.

Comparing this to support center, the turnover rate seems to be much higher. Human will always be human, there are bound to be excuses when an intention of slacking off is there.

I'm trying real hard to build an immune system to counter such event whenever it occurs to me. I guess I can handle the workload and stress at the moment. The thought of giving up came across my mind couple of times BUT it's not the time yet.
Besides, the real challenge haven't even started yet. I have to will to go on, just encouragement that i need.
I'm definitely not looking forward for the next meeting tomorrow discussing about the agenda so far. I need a kevlar vest, anyone has one?

Enough of whining >.<


I hate the fact of walking alone,
to some path I wish we could share,

I never skip thinking about you,
from the moment i open my eyes,
to the time I said goodnight,

most of the time it hurts,
as the more I care,
the further you run away.

I never had the chance to confess,
for I know I can never be another 'him'.
who treats you like a princess
And at times made you his queen.

I don't want to risk our friendship
to an unknown relationship ahead
Because knowing you right now,
is better than not knowing you at all.

I hope when the time is right,
you'll be there waiting,
Accepting a fool like me
willingly, with open heart.

the end.

Floating thoughts

My new job just started today and since then I've been feeling the workload pilling up my shoulders.

I realized i just signed a contract to slavery and the end of my social life. Remember I had a policy of not working on Sundays and it will take a shotgun in my face just to be in the office. I guess I've gone against my word and the meaning of 'relaxation' somehow just evaporized into thin air.

It's only the first day of work and I can forsee myself being a complete zombie for the coming weeks. Part of me hope that I can gather some free time and spend it with my friends and how I look at it , time is not letting me do it.

Yea it's that bad till I don't even remember when my off day is scheduled.

Everything has to start somewhere, and this is gonna be a test of how far I can actually push myself to go further. I enjoy what I'm doing right now ; meeting people and going places, and MAYBE make a name myself. Something is just missing right now and I don't have the courage to pursue it.

You'll know when you are old when ;
You see people your age getting married and start having children of their own.

You'll know when you are busy when;
The only time you eat lunch is by eating it in the office.

You'll know how small money value has become when;
The budget came out and cigerette price went up by 20%

You'll know your previous job sucks when;
the current one has all the benefits you always wanted.

You'll know when technology is the essential nowdays when;
There is no internet connection and you feel oh so shitty about it.

You'll know you miss a person;
When the only thing you look forward too is to see her by the end of the day.

You'll know the meaning of dissapointment;
When your chance of slight happiness ended with rejection.

You'll know the feeling of lost;
When you come home and contemplate on blank hope.

You'll know hope is just a word;
When the feeling for someone just echoes in your heart, and not reaching her.

That summarized my whole point for today. Nothing much about it, just something that I need to pen it down. Besides, this is the only place to turn to when I'm feeling down. I just need to whine, that's all =)

It' funny how I even have time to blog when it's supposed to be my bedtime.

Goodnight people. See you soon.

Farewell McAfee

It's never easy leaving memories behind. Especially something attached to you for some period of time and I really have a heavy heart leaving all of them behind me.

I just submitted my farewell letter and it sure hurts being in my shoe right now. I dare to say that I can never find colleagues better than what I already had before and to know them at some point in my life is something I would treasure it for the rest of my life.

Thank you all, for being such a great listener , helping me out in covering my ass, sharing laughters in 3rd floor , walking ridiculous distance just to have chinese food, login early for me when I'm due to arrive late, taught me about life and how to overcome the pressure, made me laugh, made me realised that working is not about getting your job done, but having fun while you are doing it and pointing out my mistakes just to make me a better person.

Arigato.

My sleeping habit is going from bad to worse and I don't have a clue on what is going wrong.
I don't want to rely on pills or substance to make me sleep =(

I have this sinking feeling deep within and I can't exactly pinpoint what is the main reason to this. I need to clear my head before my new job kick off. Somehow, I think it's girl related and I'm too afraid to face it.

Being me right now just sucks. Haih

Hold On Hope

Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed my Monday morning and to begin a day with a smile really lightens me up. Thanks for terrorising my meebo so early and keeping me awake, Meanie =)

I actually wanted to lay low on weekends , not drinking or partying but just doing some catching up with friends.Somehow it only worked on Friday and by the time Saturday kicks in, my hormones automatically ran wild and the urge of consuming alcohol made me change my mind.
I had an eye opener over the weekend and I can come to conclude that,

I don't like my friends when they are drunk =( . Boohoo

This doesn't mean that I dislike them, just that I don't like the sight of them when they are not themselves , basically pissed drunk. I'm stating in general not specifically so don't bombard me with hate remarks. Honestly speaking, I hate being wasted myself and having people to take care of me. I already vowed not to drink as much as I should , don't wanna exceed my limit and get carried away just to forget about the real world. I'll give a headstart and tell you guys if i really need to.

I may not be the wisest guy on planet, or the person who looked like he has any relationship experience, but one thing that I can assure you , whenever you need someone to talk to, to hear your problems or whine about how bad thing is, I will lend my ears to you. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a semi-chubby guy to hug, I'll willingly offer myself.

Relationships issue are always the main culprit when it comes to bringing someone down to his knees. What a person will do for love, it's beyond imaginable. The worst part of all these is being left hanging by a moment and not knowing what will turn out next. Being stuck in between choices of moving forward or letting go is never easy, especially from the one that you don't want to get hurt from.

Whether you like it or not, somethings just doesn't go your way and the only comfort that you can give yourself is to accept the way things are.

Torn between lovers or torn between those who can't forget about their past relationships are inevitable one of the most cruel feeling a person could get. Somehow you looked like the third party, the float or the rebounder and somehow, you ain't any one of them. You are just putting the blame on yourself because you can't seem to make things better. Try not to feel shitty bout the whole thing, and pray hard that your only buddy, TIME is there to ease what you are going through. To prolong or shorten the whole process, that my friend, depends on you.

It takes time to heal , it takes time to change, it takes time to accept. Show some sincerity , I bet one day she'll get the message. I hope =X

Believe in yourself. Don't walk away so easily , I'm sure that's the right thing to do.

;)

dedicate especially to my buddies.

cheers

Hugs and kisses

o o x x o o x x O o x


Hug hug kiss kiss hug hug kis kis Big hug small hug small kiss

Jack Black rox my sox ! Naaachoooooooooooooooo

Holiday no more

It's been a week huh.

Life seems to be passing by real quickly and somehow stays monogamous for me. My holiday ended in a brief note of not doing anything productive.Nevertheless, i enjoyed the fact that i met with couple of new friends along the line and getting to know more about someone better which i should have done a long long time ago.

My feelings for the work that i'm doing right now has reduced to zero. Maybe the holiday mood still kicks in, but I'm going real slow it's killing my brain cells. I don't squeeze my brain juice anymore and laze around it's sick to even know they are actually paying for what i do.

Please don't let my boss see this >.<

Anyhoo, everything has been great so far. I'm hoping the next company that I'll be in will benefit from my wisdom and charming personality. Yea right ! I know you guys are laughing out there ! Kaninia -.-

Seriously, things has been going real smooth sometimes it scares me. The only concern that I have right now is my health and universal problem, moolah/money, the root of all evil. (actually i think woman is the root to all evil =.= j/k )

I've been smoking like a chimney lately and I'm really concern about what I'll grow up to be when I turn 30 or maybe 40. My grandpa lived till 80+ with the consumption of nicotine every single day and I just don't feel like taking the same risk as him. Who knows right where I'll end up the very next second. See how la, I'll stop when the time is right. Please give some encouragement and not laugh about it =( it 's very de-motivating ya know .

Should I exercise more too? Just yesterday, I went shirtless and my lil cousin tap on my tummy and called me a fatty. So innocent yet so true. My tummy size has not slim down since the last time looked into the mirror. I don't want to be categorized under the obese category anywhere in the near future so Mom if you are reading this, please stop cooking nice food for me to eat ok ! Hehehe
( i know those of you who don't receive any home cook food very often at home are prolly having a grudge on me and feel like kicking my sorry ass rite? please don't , you are always welcome to my house and steal my food . =P )

The last thing i keep reminding myself is to stop consuming so much of alcohol during the weekends. August has been a killa month for me and my wallet. Let's see, I've been in clubs every single weekend and on weekdays 7-eleven became one of my best buddies. God knows how much my credit card bill will end up when the statement arrives early next month. The debts has been pilling up it doesn't depreciate. Yup, credit card is another thing that doesn't depreciate, so live with it ! =)

I----Needddd ---- Tooooo Stoppppp UUuussinnggg mMMmMmmyyyy Cccreeddiittt CccccArrrrRddd

I guess most of you knew that I was actually involved in a police raid last week in Passion rite? It was such a painful new experience. Imagine you can't go to toilet to pee or shit when you really have to. Thank god my bladder was good enough to let me go through 3 long hours of misery. Phhewww . I was in there most of the time when they inspected every single one, and there was this joker who said something like "Who da fark take drugs in this kindda place?"

Apparently, to my surprise there was more female who got caught then male. Those girls are really notti notti spank spank . I heard that there was this girl who had positive results kept on insisting that she didnt take it. Ajoh, be a woman ...do da right thing!!! Follow like those smart guys who were caught la, sit at the corner like a small kid and smile innocently.

So limember, when you want to go partay with your girlprens and boyboy, don't take dwugs ok.

Ok I'm crapping already. SEe ya'll in the future.

pics here